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Your First Job: Expectations vs. Reality

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First jobs are exciting — that corner office! A parking spot with your name on it! A communal Keurig! Whether it’s our first job in high school or fresh out of college, we have high expectations that, sadly, are never going to be met.

Expectation: You’ll have a cool office

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It’ll look like a cross between an Ikea magazine and Google headquarters.

Reality: You’ll get a cubicle if you’re lucky

If you’re not safely tucked into a mind-numbing, soul-sucking cubicle, you’ll be sharing a desk with a mouth-breather.

Expectation: You’ll make obscene amounts of money

What to do with all that money? It’ll stress you out just thinking of how you’re going to spend it after the cars, mansions, and charity. We all fantasize about donating to charity, right?

Reality: Good luck paying rent

You’ll quickly understand why so many celebs get charged for tax evasion. After Uncle Sam takes his (or her!!) share, you’ll have just enough to realize you don’t have enough.

Expectation: Your coworkers will become your new besties

Move over loser school friends — you just got replaced by adults in the real world! You imagine that you and your new work friends will get happy hour drinks, talk sh*t on your boss, and give moving speeches at your retirement party.

Reality: Lunches alone forever

You’ll probably hate your coworkers. And they’ll definitely hate you. Or worse, they’ll love you and never leave you alone. Pick your poison.

Expectation: Your friends will envy you

The inevitable money and fame from your new gig will have your friends all vying for a piece of the action. You’ll finally understand all those rap lyrics about people treating you different once you “make it”.

Reality: Everyone will have a better job

Your job will probably pale in comparison to your friends’ jobs. Or you’ll be equally miserable. Whatever it is, you’ll never be happy so get used to it.

Expectation: You’ll quickly rise up the corporate ladder

Yup, that’ll be you dressed in evening attire to take your matching dogs out to sh*t.

Reality: No promotion

Someone younger and less qualified will become your boss.

Expectation: You know how to do your job

Day One: Killing it like this chick.

Reality: Lol, that’s cute

High school/college taught you nothing. Remember that.

Expectation: You’ll meet a hottie with a naughty body and do weird things in the copyroom

OR, you’ll have a Pam-Jim situation for three seasons– I mean, years. Sorry, TV is life. The only real world we know is a trashy MTV show.

Reality: Your coworkers are old enough to be your parents

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Most likely everyone is in their forties and married. Even if there is that one cute person, they’re for sure engaged to their high school sweetheart or gay or both. Trust us. It’s never going to happen.

What cute misconception do you look forward to at your first job? Let me know on Twitter @AndiHester and I’ll shut that sh*t down quick.

Contributor: 
Andi Hester
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