Not long ago, J.K. Rowling revealed Ilvermorny, the American equivalent of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and today, the Harry Potter author has given us the next piece of the school’s mythology — its four houses. Potterheads the world round can now take the sorting quiz to find out if they belong in the scholarly Horned Serpent, the strong Wampus, the adventurous Thunderbird, or the kind-hearted Pukwudgie house. But once they’re sorted, what does their house say about them as individuals? Here are those answers:
Valuing the witch or wizards’ minds above all, the Horned Serpent is the most philosophical of the Ilvermorny houses. Those who spend their days lollygagging around and dreaming big but never actually doing big will find themselves in Horned Serpent right quick. And as any philosophy major will tell them, these Horned Serpents have no chance of getting a job after they graduate. (Although, does anyone in the wizarding world get a job after school ends? There can only be so many Aurors and Ministers of Magic, right? And it’s not like there are a ton of other jobs they’re qualified for when all they learned in school was levitation spells. I guess they could be some pretty excellent grocery store stock boys?)
The Wampus House is full of warriors, since, as we all know, the Wampus represents the body (just playin’, we don’t all know that; no one even knows what the hell a Wampus is). Have you ever hung out with wrestlers after practice? Everyone’s socking each other in the arm or going for sack-whacks. There’s this constant jockeying for position that happens whenever a bunch of warriors get together, because those dudes are always ready to fight. If you’re a Wampus, you’re more likely to live with shards of a beer bottle embedded in your head than you are to ever have an emotional conversation with a person you love.
The Thunderbirds are adventurous — they feel the need to step outside their comfort zones and explore the world. See a waterfall! Climb a mountain! Go skydiving! Most Thunderbirds die by 35.
And finally, we get to the noble Pukwudgies — these weirdo creatures are tricksters, sure, but they’re also full of heart, and are the healers of Ilvermorny (which means you’d have to kill them first if the school was a class-based FPS). Pukwudgies are the most likely to be taken advantage of because they wear their hearts on their sleeves, and those tricks they’re known to pull are because they’re too nice to just have reasonable confrontations with those they come into conflict with. Pukwudgies, you’re gonna have to get those negative emotions out of you, or they’re gonna explode out on some poor Subway employee who only puts five slices of turkey on your sub instead of six. It’s like, c’mon man, they’re already working at Subway. Sh*t’s hard enough.
Which Ilvermorny house did you get into? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!