in , , , , , , , , , ,

This Man Publicly Declared That He Will Never Date ‘Hot Women’ Again, And Twitter Is Giving Him The Roast He Deserves

Sometimes, when I fail repeatedly at a particular pursuit, I say “I’m not going to do that anymore.”

I uttered these words when I attempted to serve a volleyball without hitting anybody in the head, when I tried to parallel park on Melrose, and when I attempted to get into a bar with a fake ID that claimed I was a 35-year-old redhead.

All of these pursuits failed spectacularly, and I felt no shame in saying “I will never do that again.”

Perhaps that’s why one New York man felt the need to proudly proclaim to the New York Post that he would never date a “hot” woman again, in an article appropriately entitled “Why I won’t date hot women anymore” — a declaration which somehow seems like the sexual equivalent of saying “I want to speak to the manager.”

The article details the dating life of Dan Rochkind, a 40-year-old man who has made the brave and conscious decision to stop dating “hot women” after meeting his now-fiancé — a woman he describes as merely “beautiful.”

Rochkind describes his romantic past like a true scumbag:

“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper West Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair. “I met some nice people, but realistically I went for the hottest girl you could find.”

Rochkind says that he came to the remarkable and mature realization that really attractive people are mentally unable to to match wits with him (which I’m sure was a daunting feat). Apparently, Rochkind eventually found beautiful women to be stuck up (which may very well be code for “they stopped wanting to date me”).

“Beautiful women who get a fair amount of attention get full of themselves,” he says. “Eventually, I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation.”

When discussing his current fiancé, Carly Spindel, Rochkind lovingly admits that she’s a fantastic second choice, despite her shortcomings (i.e., she is not paid for her good looks, which is apparently the only differentiation between people who are hot and people who aren’t).

“[She] is a softer beauty, someone you can take home and cuddle with, and she’s very elegant,” Rochkind says. “And she’s 5-foot-2, so she can’t be a runway model, but I think she’s really beautiful and is prettier than anyone I’ve dated.”

Rochkind says that ultimately, it is better to have loved hot women and lost them than to never have loved hot women at all.

“There’s something to be said about sowing your wild oats and getting them out of your system,” says Rochkind, who will marry Carly in June at a “Tuscan-romantic” ceremony at the Wölffer Estate Vineyard in the Hamptons. But he doesn’t regret his past.

“You don’t want to be the first to leave the party, but you don’t want to leave the party too late either,” he says. “Carly came at exactly the right time.

So, yeah. This is an actual article that someone felt the need to write, about how this guy is enlightened for deciding that beautiful people must be shallow and terrible — as opposed to entertaining the notion that he may very well be the shallow and terrible one for judging people purely based on their looks.

Naturally, Twitter decided to rip Rochkind a new one (because the jokes practically write themselves):

Ooof.

Sorry, Dan. I guess this is what happens when you brag to a low-brow publication about how many “hot” women you’ve fucked.

On the bright side: I’m pretty sure your fiancé will look to find a better and more suitable partner after reading this article, so you’ll once again be free to rake in all the HAWT BABES!

What do you think?

Comments

Leave a Reply

Loading…

Loading…

0

Comments

0 comments

can you read what this promposal sign says because i sure as hell cant 2 Can You Read What This Promposal Sign Says? Because I Sure As Hell Cant

Can You Read What This Promposal Sign Says? Because I Sure As Hell Can’t

This Furless Tickle Me Elmo Will Give Your Nightmares Nightmares