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This Horrific Ryan Gosling Wax Figure Fits Better in 'Resident Evil 7' Than Madame Tussauds

I’ve been playing Resident Evil 7 for the past two days, and believe me when I say it is absolutely terrifying. This entry, which returns the series to its survival horror roots, is already one of the scariest games of all time. Among the waking nightmares I’ve been wasting my very limited ammo on are disgusting monsters sliming out of walls, bug women chasing me with lanterns, and an abusive unkillable southern father — the second worst kind of father.

ryan Gosling wax figure resident evil 7
At least he stuck around.
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But nothing, and I mean nothing, in Resident Evil 7 is as creepy as the wax statue of Ryan Gosling. Just unveiled for Madame Tussauds wax museum in Brussels, the wax figure has an uncanny valley-sort of look to it — it’s just close enough to Ryan Gosling to highlight the small differences that make it clear that this is not Ryan Gosling. Instead, the damn thing ends up looking like a try-hard Ryan Gosling statue.

ryan gosling wax statue
I wanna put a f*ckin wolf crest in this bastard and solve myself a puzzle.
Getty Images

Yes, it is disconcerting to see an actor who is so alive and vibrant in La La Land so dead-eyed here. But a lot of wax figures are haunting — most of ’em, I’d say — and none of them have ever stirred up the kind of revulsion we’re seeing from this one. What’s so different then about Ryan Gosling?

ryan gosling wax drive
Could it be because Ryan Gosling himself played a much better Ryan Gosling wax statue in Drive?
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Here’s what I think is going on — right now, Ryan Gosling is the IT guy, the talk of Hollywood and Tumblr alike. He’s the ideal man, and his looks play a huge part in that. But if Ryan Gosling is this close to being ugly, how close are we? And it’s true, with just a few minor changes to his face like we see in the Madame Tussauds model — one eye a little closer to the other, the nose shifted a millimeter, the hairline slightly raised — all of a sudden, even Ryan Gosling begins to look like a monster. Here, I’ll show you.

First we’ll take a regular picture of Ryan Gosling…


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Make a few selections in Photoshop…


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And move some facial features around.


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See? He gets creepy!

 

Follow Mikey on Twitter @mikeymccollor.

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Mikey McCollor
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