Ghost: are they real? No (even if that doesn’t stop celebrities from claiming they’ve had encounters with them). The potential for an afterlife leaves us with many questions about what is waiting for us after we’re smothered in earth/burned to ashes in a big oven, but ghosts are a popular staple in our culture. And since I’m a negative, unfun dude, I figured I’d highlight some of the crappiest ghosts in all of fiction.
Casper The Friendly Ghost (From the books of the same name)
Oh wow, a friendly ghost! Tell me more about this friendly ghost, a ghost whose defining characteristic, his friendliness, is the exact quality that I am looking for in my ghost-based entertainment. Besides Bart Simpson’s theory that Casper is Richie Rich, there’s literally zero things interesting about this total flop.
Moaning Myrtle (From Harry Potter)
The death of a friend and/or classmate is always sad, but if I’d gone to school with Moaning Myrtle and she died, I maybe would’ve said, “This is only, like, 90 percent bad, right?” She’s just so unbelievably annoying, I mean. And she’s barely useful! She’s so cryptic, and she tries to spy on Harry while he’s bathing! She’s some kind of sex creep ghost. Even for ghosts, I consider that thing to be very low and inappropriate.
Banquo (From “Macbeth”)
Hey, sorry if this is a spoiler for one of the most famous plays by maybe the greatest writer in the history of the English language, but Banquo dies. He comes back later as a ghost, totally freaks Macbeth out, and then… that’s it. One brief ghostly appearance to make the anti-hero of the play flip out, and then he just quietly walks away again. Come on Banquo, at least interject during the battle at the end of the play!
Obi-Wan Kenobi (From Star Wars)
Sure, as a mentor and guidance figure, Obi-Wan Kenobi was A+. But he also came back as a voice in Luke’s head, and then as a ghostly vision. That’d all be fine, I guess, if he hadn’t said to Darth Vader, “If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” That’s some big hype for amounts to a few conversations while looking blue and hazy. Does Darth Vader just have a terrible imagination?
Boo (From Mario)
Boo won’t move towards you if you’re facing it? Sorry, that means Boo either has low-self esteem, or is a back stabbing jerk. Either way, NO THANKS!
Feardotcom Ghost (From Feardotcom)
Feardotcom spoiler: This movie sucks, don’t ever watch it. It’s about a website that kills people. The police assume that a serial killer is using the website to instigate murders, but no, a ghost made the website to get revenge for her own killing, which was done by the aforementioned serial killer. Honestly, this plot sounds farfetched, but the idea of a website that makes people want to kill themselves isn’t so crazy — just look at your average person’s Twitter feed. Anyway, jokes aside, the ghost in this is super dumb and an unbelievably unsatisfying twist.
Too Many Characters To List (From R.I.P.D.)
R.I.P.D. is about ghosts policing other ghosts. “That sounds great!” you might have said before this movie came out a few years ago. Guess what? It’s not a few years ago. It’s today. R.I.P.D. is out, and buddy, it’s brutal. This movie is the NUMBER ONE cause of the enormous drop in the popularity of ghosts in America (I absolutely made that up, right down to my not being sure if ghosts are anymore or less popular in America right now.) It has no good characters, and thus must be shamed from top to bottom.
Would just a dude under a bedsheet with eye holes cut into it be worse than some of these ghosts? I don’t think so, but you can feel free to let us know on Twitter @Smosh.