The New ‘Star Wars’ Trailer Just Dropped And I’ve Got Some Questions

Star Wars fans are currently losing their minds over the recent release of the Last Jedi teaser trailer. Though the preview is undeniably earth-shattering, I have to admit that I’m less than an expert when it comes to this particular film series. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen all of the original films, but it’s 2017 and everything looks so different!

So, naturally after watching this epic trailer I had quite a few questions. Those of you who consider yourselves Star Wars gurus may be slightly infuriated by my inquiries, but nonetheless I shall pose them. Mock me as you will!

Drum roll please, this is the all-new Last Jedi teaser:

Pretty amazing right? I thought so too. Here are a few q’s I have.

1. Where can I get this otherworldly super waterproof mascara?

Seriously? Not a single smudge? If that brand can survive outer space, I’m sure it can handle my drunken emotional rollercoasters.

2. How much of the movie takes place on this island?

But really, do they go anywhere else? Is this just a random secluded island? WHY HERE?

3. Who is this and where can I find their hair tutorial?

Clearly this person is some form of all-powerful being manipulating a simulated galaxy at their fingertips, BUT that updo is beyond enviable. Did you find it on Pinterest? Please tell me.

4. What is this!?

Though I’m sure this is something infinitely more significant than a broken pair of headphones, I can’t un-see a shattered electronic device or a brutally murdered Transformer.

5. Why are these vehicles spewing red shit everywhere?

Is it like a tracking mechanism? I’m so confused.

6. Is Finn being preserved or something?

Is he just sleeping, like is this a Passengers situation? Or is he in some form of “in between”?

7. What is happening here AND how are his eyebrows so on-point?

I gather that this character is most likely evil due to the reddish color coming from his light saber, BUT I also want him to stare into my soul this way. Sorry not sorry.

8. Is THAT Darth Vader??

WHAT is happening here? He and R2D2 are just watching the world burn?

9. Why do the Jedi have to end?

Why is this the “Last Jedi”? I mean I watched the originals, but this still is a bit unclear to me. Is that dark shadow Luke Skywalker?