This summer’s crop of unreasonable swimwear is already giving me a headache. There are so many straps and cutouts and titty-windows that any non-model attempting to wear one of these suits is bound to end up looking like a ham hock wrapped in a rubber band. I assumed that I would be able to find some much-needed solace in the fashionable one-pieces that are gaining popularity online and in-stores.
But, everything good must come to an end, I suppose. Because one-pieces have now been ruined for me, thanks to an abominable swimsuit that was recently released by online brand Beloved Shirts.
The offending swimsuit in question features a print of a hairy, naked man-torso. When worn by a woman, the result is a Trompe L’oeil-style chest that is truly bizarre.
Just … why??
I’m all for appreciating everyone’s body type and respecting sexual identity, but this swimsuit just looks downright strange — not to mention the fact that the penis is conspicuously absent. The whole fashion piece just raises a myriad of questions.
(Also, it serves an an annoying reminder that male nipples are deemed acceptable for public display, while female nipples are not.)
The suits are available on the Beloved Shirts website, and will cost you a cool $45. They also come in a variety of skin tones, in case that’s actually a selling point.
Thus far, public response to the swimsuits has been … not so great.
Twitter is equally baffled and amused by the unorthodox piece of swimwear, but nobody seems especially eager to wear it, much less spend money on it.
Hm. Perhaps that’s why the suit has been marked down from its original $60 price tag, and has already been used as as one of the company’s promotional freebies.
I have a sneaking suspicion that Beloved won’t be printing any more of these bad boys. But hey, maybe I’m wrong — perhaps the market really is clamoring for startlingly real depictions of hairy man-chests on spandex.