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The 7 Worst Birthdays You'll Ever Have

alf puts out birthday candles

Birthdays can really be all over the place, but the events themselves RARELY live up to our expectations. And even if they do, it doesn’t mean all birthdays are created equal. In fact, some of them are pretty terrible. Don’t agree? Well here’s some bad birthday proof — these are the worst birthdays you are ever going to have!

9

alf puts out birthday candles
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The first of the “incredibly close” birthdays; up until this point, every birthday is so exciting in and of itself. Nine, though, brings you tantalizingly close to ten, and finally having the mysteries of double digit ages revealed to you. But instead, you will be mocked for another 365 (possibly 366) days, hearing the phrase “double digits” uttered over and over again.

12

smashes cake with face
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Oh wow, are you a “Pre-Teen”? Congrats, you are the forgotten age. No longer a tween, but also NOT QUITE a teen, even advertisers can’t be bothered to deal with you, and those animals will market to almost anyone (65+ obviously exempt from this).

19

dog smashes cake
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Nineteen is just one long hangover; before eighteen, you’ve spent your entire life with the singular goal of becoming an adult. Once you do, though, you spend a year slowly discovering that’s it’s a bit of a big “who cares?” In most countries, at 19 you can vote and buy cigarettes. Other than that? It’s just a big ol’ pile of new and terrifying responsibilities.

20

happy endings
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You’re so close to being able to buy booze (assuming you are in America). If you’re not in America, then it’s just another boring birthday, but unlike the others, you have to endure a ton of American media and culture obsessed with a birthday that’s meaningless to you.

27

candle sneak
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A lot of people think 29 is the year you really freak out about how close you are to turning 30, but it’s not. By the time 29 has rolled around, you’ve most likely come to terms with it. 27, though… that’s the year you’ll fret about turning 30 (if you do at all; feel free to save yourself the mental anguish.) You’re far enough into your twenties that you’re realizing how much stuff you’re not going to be able to accomplish, and also stressed out that you still have another three years to worry about what a big failure you might be.

53

my birthday blows
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I know I don’t even have to tell you why THIS is the worst birthday.

Anything Over 95

silly string flame burst
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Guess what’s over for you once you hit 95? Everything. Maybe your family still drops by to take you to the movies, Cheesecake Factory, or some other equally inoffensive activity, but that’s the most you’re gonna get.

Think you can top my evidence based bad birthdays list? GIVE IT A SHOT on Twitter @Smosh!

Contributor: 
Will Weldon
View Count: 
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Weekly View Count: 
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Mass images: 
alf puts out birthday candles
smashes cake with face
candle sneak
happy endings
silly string flame burst
my birthday blows
dog smashes cake

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