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The 6 Worst Animals You Could Animorph Into

worst animorph isopod

It’s a question as old as time — if you could animorph into a animal, what animal would you animorph into? (The correct answer is an owl. All other answers are so preposterously ridiculous.) But the more interesting question is this — what is the worst animal you could animorph into? Remember, this animorphing situation has very specific rules: 1) You ultimate goal is change into an animal that will help you fight off the Yeerks (the evil slug-like parasitic aliens that take control of human hosts.) 2) You can take the form of any animal you touch. 3) You can only stay in that animal form for 2 hours or you will be unable to return to your human form. 4) The animal’s natural instincts will effect your own judgement while transformed. 5) You are also dealing with typical thematic elements present in Young Adult novels and that your transformation into animals could be seen as an extended metaphor for growing up. With those qualifications in mind, here are the animals it would be LEAST advantageous to animorph into:

Giant Isopod

worst animorph isopod
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Oh boy do you not wanna be the giant isopod, mainly because then you’d have to touch a giant isopod. Those things look like giant pill bugs. Gross. Sure, giant isopods can live at great depths underwater, and even survive up to five years without eating, but think this through. In order to touch one, it would need to be near the surface of the water. Then, you couldn’t even swim to those great depths, since it would take more than the two hours you could remain a giant isopod to sink back to the bathypelagic zone at 2,140 meters below sea level. Turning into a giant isopod would be a total waste of time that wouldn’t help defeat the Yeerks at all, and is a total amateur move.

Goblin Shark

worst animorph goblin
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Think about it — you’re a teen, already self-conscious enough as it is. Do you really want to animorph into this big nosed freak? What will your secret crush think? And sure, the goblin shark is a species that dates back 125 million years and lives at depths greater than 100 meters, but is it really worth risking the name calling that will probably come with this transformation? The answer is no.

Aye-aye

worst animorph aye
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Since it only lives in Madagascar, and you’re a typical North American teen, the aye-aye would be a tough animal to animorph into. It would be very difficult to fly to Madagascar, illegally poach an aye-aye, fly back to North America, and then animorph into it without your parents suspecting you’re one of the teens helping stop all the mysterious happenings around town. Better just turn into a dog instead.

Giant Leaf-Tailed Gecko

worst animorph gecko
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You might at first think the giant leaf-tailed gecko would be great to morph into because it’s rad as hell. It looks like it loves to do weed. Like just smoking bong pipes and ripping joints. But you’re not about that life — you’re a responsible teen who was raised right and is trying to save all of humanity from an alien invasion. Drugs aren’t who you are. Don’t succumb to the peer pressure of animorphing into a giant leaf-tailed gecko just so people will think you are cool. Also the giant leaf-tailed gecko also only lives in Madagascar, so… that would also be an issue. I mean it might also be in a zoo somewhere in North America, but your non-drug-doing ass ain’t breaking into a zoo to touch a gecko. You’re not that cool.

Atretochoana Eiselti

worst animorph eiselti
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Literally, don’t be a dick.

An Older Version of Yourself

worst animorph old
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Of course, the worst thing you could animorph into would be an older version of yourself. And that’s a distinct possibility — humans are animals, so if you touch yourself (considering that time would elapse during the touching of yourself you would be in fact touching an older version of yourself). you’d rapidly age and potentially die. So whatever you do, don’t touch yourself or you will die. I cannot stress this enough. Teens touching themselves will lead to death. And if you’re dead, the Yeerks win. And you don’t want the Yeerks to win, do you? So please. stop touching yourself!

Are there other animals it would be worse to transform– er, I mean… animorph into? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh. Please. I want to know more about animals.

Contributor: 
James Shickich
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Mass images: 
worst animorph eiselti
worst animorph gecko
worst animorph isopod
worst animorph old
worst animorph aye
worst animorph goblin

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