in

The 5 Types of Paranoid People (Who Might Actually Be Right)

It’s easy to make fun of people who freak out about aliens or microwaves or Ghost Type Pokémon, but what if some of those tin hat-wearers are right? As we all discover that we somehow ended up in the Darkest Timeline, it may be time to start listening to the paranoid people. They’ve been trying to warn us for years. Here are the five types of paranoid people who might actually be right.

1. Super healthy people

yoga woman gif
(source)

Some people are totally freaked out by our modern culture of GMOs and fast food. That said, this is the first generation that will most likely have a shorter lifespan than their parents, entirely because of bad lifestyle choices. Cancer cases are expected to go up 57 percent over the next 20 years. Obesity rates are increasing, and part of the blame might fall on the estrogen-like compounds found in plastic. It’s almost impossible to avoid disease-causing materials these days, so maybe those carrot crunchers are right.

2. People deathly afraid of cyber-surveillance

Mr Robot gif
(source)

When I first heard that some people cover up the webcam on their computer so it can’t be used to spy on them, it seemed crazy. But after I found out Mark Zuckerberg does it, I went ahead and taped that baby up. The government’s spying power, plus the ability of rogue hackers to ruin your life through one damn phishing email, means we need to be way more careful about online privacy. We’re about five years away from living in the Minority Report world, but instead of oracles, they’ll just use data models to figure out what crimes we’re gonna do before we do them.

3. People extremely concerned about climate change

Florida hurricane gif
(source)

Environmental nuts have been annoying their fellow man for decades, and people still don’t want to ride bikes instead of drive cars. But the last two years were the hottest on record, and we’ve already passed a tipping point where we won’t be able to change our climate back. In the next few decades, we’ll start seeing more deadly storms, cities going underwater, and even island nations disappearing. Billions of people will be affected and many may die. And all because we didn’t want to stop driving everywhere.

4. People obsessed with the One Percent

Simpsons billionaires gif
(source)

It turns out the super rich control our government way more than we ever knew. A new book, “Dark Money”, investigates the secretive ways billionaires have been influencing our government for decades. They spend so much money on lobbying and media that certain things you think you believe are actually what the super-rich want you to believe. Do we really live in a democracy if it requires millions of dollars to run for Congress? Is it a democracy when we’re ruled by millionaires and billionaires? Do you believe that low business regulation is good for the economy because you honestly think it would benefit you, or because billionaires have spent decades pushing that agenda so they can make more money at your expense? It looks like people paranoid about the Koch brothers were probably right all along.

5. Doomsday preppers

30 Rock gif
(source)

Some people are always preparing for the end of the world by stockpiling food and water and even getting generators and weapons. While the zombie apocalypse is unlikely, it’s looking more and more like the preppers may have been right all along. Doomsday is coming and we’re going to need bountiful stocks of soup and crackers. Get your bomb shelters ready. Stock up on Clif bars. We’re all going to die.

What are you paranoid about? Think any of these people might be onto something? Tweet at me and let me know @erikaheidewald!

Contributor: 
Erika Heidewald
View Count: 
13
Weekly View Count: 
13
Mass images: 
30 Rock gif
Simpsons billionaires gif
Florida hurricane gif
Mr Robot gif
yoga woman gif

What do you think?

Comments

Leave a Reply

Loading…

Loading…

0

Comments

0 comments

#FreeShia Trend Hits Twitter After Shia LaBeouf Is Arrested at His Anti-Trump Art Installation

Silly Video Game Glitch Makes Whole Class Laugh