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Some Messed Up Sh*t Happened To Food This Week And We’re Gonna Need A Moment

screen shot 2017 03 09 at 5 13 29 pm Some Messed Up Sh*t Happened To Food This Week And We’re Gonna Need A Moment

We’re all had those moments in the kitchen where you pretend to be TV chef. You talk to yourself like there’s a salivating audience watching your every move. You pat yourself on the back for following the directions perfectly and think, “That wasn’t so hard, cooking is easy.” And then you take your dish to the internet for the glorification of your social media followers.

I’m all for having a passion, especially when it comes to food and creative takes on cuisine. But there’s a time an a place (and professionals) for innovation, folks.

And now people are trying to eat their chicken rare and I have had ENOUGH.

If you think for one damn moment that any of this is ok, please take a moment and revaluate your life choices. This is some offensive-ass nonsense, and I cannot sit idly by any longer – someone has to stand up for food!

“Medium rare” chicken

There are no words for this level of stupidity. I would say these people are playing with fire, but that’s actually what this needs – more fire. It’s as if people just decided to ignore salmonella altogether.

Don’t @ Chef Ramsey like you actually believe he’s gonna approve of this nonsense. He’s probably praying for Grandma.

Dipping pizza in milk

Yeah, you read that right. In case you missed it, these monsters exists and they do NOT deserve the amazing delicacy that the Italians have bestowed upon us.

Thank goodness there are still some folks out there who care about the delicate nature of international cooperation:

Ugh, same.

Gummy sloths

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What the hell did these adorable creatures do to deserve this treatment? And OK, I bet they taste great. No, you know what, they’re probably gonna taste the same as all the other gummies in the world. Because all you’re gonna do is cram 12 of them in your mouth at once and chomp down while the sugar speaks to your soul. So why take this magnificent creature and make it edible, WHY?

Spinach pancakes

I’m. Gonna. Vomit.

#NationalPancakeDay is sanctified and holy, and I’m not really sure why the first daughter chose not only to make these, but share them with the internet with such confidence. I’m impressed that this level of purity still exists TBH. Although others were a bit more savage in their responses to this concoction.

Chelsea actually makes these veggie versions of heaven for the added iron needed in her daughter’s diet, but the question of whether syrup is appropriate on such a meal does beg to be asked:

I think we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree on this one.

Wine infused coffee

some messed up sht happened to food this week and were gonna need a moment 2 Some Messed Up Sh*t Happened To Food This Week And We’re Gonna Need A Moment

Honestly, I’m a little torn on this one. While there is an appeal to putting two wonderful drinks together to form the ultimate Basic Girl concoction, I gotta wonder about the actual taste. Unfortunately, ordering some to try is out of the question for now because the coffee is currently on backorder (with a 5 bag at $20/ea. ordering minimum). But according to the manufacturer,  “full-bodied coffee relaxes in a beautiful wine, absorbing the wine’s nose and history, then the coffee is carefully dried and hand-roasted in small batches.”

An upper for morning with the taste of the downer you crave in the evening. Sure, why not.

Denying the right to put pineapple on pizza

Look, I get that this is a hot-button subject. The debate over whether fruit belongs on pizza is not one we are likely as a species to solve overnight. But the pizza chef who decided to play God and refuse a customer’s order (while funny) is downright rude. I don’t see nothin’ wrong with a little sweet and savory.

I do have to put my foot down on this though:

What do you think?


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