'Pokémon Sun' and 'Moon' Will Let You Groom, Feed Your Pokémon (The Worst Part of Pet Ownership)

With each day that goes by, we learn more and more about Pokémon Sun and Moon. We know who the starters will be. We know what Ash will look like. And now, we know which part of the game we’re going to hate most. Today, The Pokémon Company put out a new trailer detailing one of the game’s new features: after a battle, trainers will be on the hook to feed, bathe, and groom their punch-drunk pocket monsters. Finally, The Pokémon Company has brought into its jolly fun-time video game the worst part of owning a real life pet — responsibility!

pokemon groom brush
Responsibility will make us grow to hate even this adorable, lovable creature.

In what’s being called the “Refresh system”, we’ll be expected to use the touch screen to brush and clean our Pokémon like we just picked them up from the goddamn pound or something. So they want me to feed Pokébeans to a Pokémon? Why don’t I just go home and feed my real dog, who I always forget to take out and who pisses all over the house but I guess still gets fed by my parents because he hasn’t died yet? Answer me that, Nintendo.

Here’s the trailer, which shows the grooming feature in action, as well as revealing a few of the new version-exclusive Pokémon, one of which is a psychic gorilla. A PSYCHIC GORILLA! That is straight-up the dopest sh*t I ever heard in my life, but I want that psychic gorilla to understand that I have a life of my own and I will not be spending my time blow-drying and scrubbing him down.

Of course, the psychic gorilla probably already knows that. The psychic gorilla knows all.


Follow Mikey on Twitter @mikeymccollor.

Mikey McCollor
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