And so the time comes again — the bells are rung, and a gift is given to us from the nerd Heavens. Behold: Pokémon: Sun and Moon, the latest edition of the popular monster-collecting RPG from Nintendo. And while, duh, we’re excited about the game, have you taken a look at some of these new Pokémon? Jeez louise they are disturbing. They even give old Cubone, who wears his mother’s skull on his head, a run for his money. Here are the eight most disturbing new Pokémon in Sun and Moon.
This Pokémon has the habit of hugging its companions. Many trainers have left this world after having their spines squashed by its hug. I have two fears — someone entering my personal space, and having my spine crushed. Somehow, Bewear manages to ignore them both.
Mimikyu’s actual appearance is unknown, as a scholar who saw what was under its rag was overwhelmed by terror and died of shock. As a terrifying creature that seems to want to dress up like Pikachu, we know Mimikyu is upsetting, but consider this: its Pokédex entry suggests it has a broken neck form. A broken neck form.
Due to the danger that this synthetic Pokémon may go on a rampage, it wears a control mask to restrain its power. And while Type: Null’s origin is mysterious, we know it looks very, very sad. Pokémon Sun and Moon seems to be running a monopoly on Pokémon with unbelievably sad stories. Mimikyu breaks its own neck, this guy has no name and his head lives in a cage. Come on Nintendo, give some of these new guys a cheery disposition!
After hurling ferocious punches and flinging furious kicks, Incineroar finishes opponents off by spewing fire from around its navel. I am not as comfortable with my body as Incineroar is with his.
This Ultra Beast appeared from another world to show off its body, but whether that display is a boast or a threat remains unclear. And does anyone want to see a buff mosquito? You ever look at a bug and go “I wonder what this thing would look like if it did p90x”?
Buried beneath the castle that is Palossand are the dried-up bones of its victims. “I’m just a sand castle that drains people of their vitality until they are just bones,” Palossand moaned as a mother shooed her child away from it. “Oh why will no one be my friend?!”
This faceless mass of wires is less a Pokémon and more the embodiment of being accidentally electrocuted. What is it doing in this game? And where are its brothers That Time You Hit Your Knee With A Hammer and That Time You Cut Your Thumb Open While Cooking?
It’s bad enough that this Pokémon seems to be the only one who actively eats other Pokémon, but does it have to look like Donald Trump while it does it!? Yeesh, too much Pokémon, too much!
Are there any even more upsetting Pokémon out there? Let me know on Twitter @AlexFirer!