Ooh boy Solgaleo and Lunala. Your guys’ names were just announced today, and already you’re calling yourselves “legendary” Pokémon? Listen, I’m no PR expert — I would be if my mom hadn’t decided halfway through my junior year to stop paying for PR school — but even I know it’s not cool to walk into a room and pretend like you own the place. Anyhow, here’s the new trailer for Pokémon: Sun and Moon that reveals the new “legendary” Pokémon:
Solgaleo has a full metal body, which I suppose makes him think he’s, like, better than me? Pfft. Whatever. And Lunala has a shadow shield, but like, I don’t even know what that is. Are you afraid of shadows, Lunala? Ha ha ah ha ha ha! Guys! This “legendary” Pokémon’s so afraid of shadows it brought a shadow shield! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Loser.
Calling yourself “legendary” right away is a faux-pas. Imagine being a new kid in school — if you want everyone to like you, you keep your head low for a few weeks. Make friends with the most popular nerd, who can begin to introduce you around, building your base of support. Only then do you go after the most popular kid in school (probably a trumpet player, or bully). Can you imagine if the new kid called themselves “legendary” on day one? They’d get beaten the hell up, and rightly so! I say that, when Pokémon: Sun and Moon come out, we all raise our Pokémon to super high levels and teach Solgaleo and Lunala what for.
Oh, they’re called “legendary” because they’re incredibly powerful? Oh. Got it. It’s cool. Let’s all just leave Solgaleo and Lunala alone. They’re probably pretty cool. [comes to school two days later with a knock-off shadow shield of his own]
Follow Mikey on Twitter @mikeymccollor.