Early in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, we’re introduced to Calamity Gannon, the floating smoke monster haunting Hyrule Castle responsible for the kingdom of Hyrule’s state of ruin. Of course, it wasn’t the first time we’d seen this creature — Gannon’s been the primary antagonist in nearly every Zelda game, but even when he isn’t a pig beast and instead a regular (albeit grumpy) human, Ganon’s always been frightening and otherworldly. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s taken on a power not meant for man, and is therefore not a man himself, but a showdown with Ganon is always a nail-biter, because each time, Link really is confronting evil itself.
But Ganon sure seems like more of a regular dude now that Nintendo’s revealed his full name. Thanks to the official and comprehensive online guide to the Legend of Zelda, we now know that the embodiment of all hate and cruelty has a full name: Gannondorf Dragmire.
It may not seem like a big deal, but think about everything that comes along with knowing someone’s last name. Like, that means he comes from a family. There’s an entire clan of Dragmires out there. So does Ganon have a dad? And is he a person, or a pig? Is his dad a pig and his mom a person?
(Actually, if Ganon was the product of a mixed-species relationship, it might explain some things about the Zelda series. For instance, why is the fish princess always trying to get with Link? Maybe Hyrule’s just cool with this sort of thing? Am I in the wrong for being weirded out by people dating animal-people? Have I been the real pig beast all along?)
And here’s another way Ganon’s last name is messing with me — one of the most common places I see last names is on mailboxes in apartment buildings. Now I have to imagine the King of Thieves’ mailbox with a laminated little “Dragmire” tag hung over it. So now I’m thinking about where the guy lives! And I shouldn’t have to do that — I should just assume Ganon resides in the Netherrealm From Whence Flows All Sin and Cataclysm, not a studio in Burbank.
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