Happy Easter! If you’re not making some disastrous Easter creation right now, or gorging yourself on candy, maybe you’re perusing the Internet for some laughs. Well Twitter has you covered with some of the funniest thoughts on all things Easter. Here’s a little something to read while shoving Cadbury Creme Eggs into your face. I’m not the only one whose phone has chocolate smeared all over it, am I?
Judas: still on for Friday?
Judas: yeah, the last supper
Jesus: the what?
Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) January 5, 2015
Hanhh hahhhnhgg hannhgggg hhaaaappy Easter pic.twitter.com/h7iKysvrnr
— Bill Corbett (@BillCorbett) April 16, 2017
Tomorrow is when the Easter Bunny hides cinematic references to other Marvel films for children to find!
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) April 15, 2017
Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ.
Soldier: You can just point to him.
Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don’t tell you how to do your job.
— Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) March 21, 2016
My favorite Easter tradition: pic.twitter.com/koh9HmCq6J
— Desi (@DesiJed) April 15, 2017
Just explained to my kids that sometimes an evil bunny comes and eats kids’ Easter candy on the night of Easter.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 28, 2016
If you haven’t had chocolate for breakfast in some way today, I would like you to consider your priorities. Happy Easter alllll ?????
— Ellen Barr (@EllenBarr_Media) April 16, 2017
When ya win the Easter egg hunt and ya 8 year old sister goes dead bitter, try again next year Sienna
— Molly Ratcliffe (@MollllyR) April 16, 2017
Is it acceptable to participate in a children’s Easter egg hunt at 19 years old asking for a friend
— Rylie (@rmcbabe_) April 16, 2017
My parents: aren’t you getting a bit old for an Easter egg hunt?
— RACHEL (@rachelroseeeee) April 15, 2017
CHILD: yay an easter egg hunt
ATHEIST: actually the egg is a reappropriated pagan symbol
DAD: dude i swear to god
— mustard (@nice_mustard) April 12, 2017
Twitter took away the egg avatars so Trump could use them for the White House Easter Egg Hunt
— Ira Madison III (@ira) April 12, 2017
can’t believe Jesus was born on Christmas and died on Easter, what are the odds? still, he accomplished a lot for a four month year old.
— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) August 31, 2013
Me spilling that pack of Rainbow Nerds in my shag carpeting two months ago totally saved Roach Easter.
— Jordan Peele (@JordanPeele) March 31, 2013
[in heaven after crucifixion]
jesus: “they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there”
god: [rubbing his neck] “see the thing is”
— k e e t ?? (@KeetPotato) January 15, 2015
I can’t wait for Easter! pic.twitter.com/GnFKzg4GHq
— thomAss (@thomasdelrey) April 13, 2017
Jesus: Table for 26 please.
Maitre’d: There’s only 13 of you.
Jesus: But we’re all going to sit on the same side. pic.twitter.com/Am5YBxVXxf
— Sam Kalidi (@samkalidi) December 28, 2015
Listen, ma’am, I’m sorry I decked your four year old but it’s called an Easter Egg HUNT for a reason
— Samson (@captaineagen) April 16, 2017
Nephew just whispered something into a Cadbury Easter Bunny’s ears then broke off its head.
I’m sleeping with the lights on.
— Woody (@WoodyLuvsCoffee) March 26, 2015
Rolling Rock should be the official beer of Easter. (This is a good joke.)
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) March 27, 2016
I can’t believe Jesus hatched from an easter egg 2017 years ago
— Dan (@lusxt) April 11, 2017
*jesus picks up bread*
this is my body
*jesus picks up wine*
this is my blood
*jesus picks up guitar*
this is the STORY OF A GIRL
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) April 15, 2017
Coworker: What are y’all doing for Easter?
Me: Being Jewish.
— MatzohNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 14, 2017
This is my family after our Easter brunch. I share it b/c NO ONE ASKED THE EASTER BUNNY TO POSE WITH US pic.twitter.com/OEFYDmgqag
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 5, 2015