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Is Naming Your Car Normal Or Weird as Hell?

If you’re of driving age in America (or are two animals who work as a team with one operating the pedals and the other the steering wheel), you know what it is like to operate a motor vehicle. And that means you probably know that the biggest danger facing drivers today is knowing whether or not they should name their car. It’s a issue that has divided Americans for too long, and seeing as it is an election year, it’s time to get to the bottom of this issue once and for all. So here it is — is naming your car normal or a totally weird thing to do?

Normal: We Name Ships

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There is a long, rich Naval tradition of naming nautical vessels. And even before that, there was a tradition of naming horses. So there is significant precedent for naming a mode of transportation.

Totally weird: We Don’t Name Ships “Travis”

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Naming a horse or ship has a certain logic behind it. You can call your horse’s name to have him come a running, and you need to identify your shipping vessel in a fleet. But neither of those things is true for cars. Also my friend has a car he named “Travis”, and that’s a person’s name, not a car name. If he was like “This is my car ‘Speedy'” it would be less weird, but if you told me your horse/ship was named “Travis” I would be like “It sounds like your horse/ship is a spoiled only-child that skateboards.”

Normal: Everyone Loves Puns

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Naming your car with an excellent pun is a great joke everyone is sure to love. For example — Vlad The Impala, Datsun of Mine, Jimmy Car, Car-son Daly, Auto von Bismarck. All are knee-slapping classics. Ain’t nothing wrong with that!

Totally weird: DOES Everyone Love Puns Though?

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Search your heart. Would you really respect someone who had a car with a pun name? Say your only daughter has cancer and you take here to an Oncologist to hear treatment options. And during the appointment the doctor tells you he drove there in his “Liam Nissan”, which is the name of his Nissan Altima. Don’t you think you might have reservations about his diagnosis, especially since he wants to treat it with laughter and smiles and this bottle of miracle snake oil he just brought off of a man passing through town? Just some food for thought.

Normal: One In Four People Name Their Car

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It can’t be that weird if 25 percent of people do it.

Totally weird: Mental Disorders Affect One In Four People

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I mean… I’m not drawing any correlations between this and anyone who names their car, but you feel free to make that connection if you want. I’m not the boss of you.

Normal: There is a National Name Your Car Day (Oct. 2)

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Who doesn’t love celebrating those holidays we all see on Facebook! They’re just good clean ol’ fashion fun! And if there is a national day to recognize it, how can it be weird? Next you’ll say Christmas is weird. I am so sick of this war on National Name Your Car Day! Don’t tread on me! DON’T TREAD ON ME!

Totally weird: Okay, I just checked and there is also a National Take Your Plants for a Walk Day too, so…

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July 27th. Put it in your calendars, you weirdo freaks.

Did you take umbrage with this list? Then please take the time to explain what “umbrage” means to me on Twitter @Smosh!

Contributor: 
James Shickich
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