As far as I’m concerned, Channing Tatum is Hollywood’s unequivocal stripping expert. After an actual career in “the biz” and two Magic Mike movies, I feel like he knows what he’s talking about when it comes to the art of stripping.
Therefore, it’s only sensible that he should be allowed to come up with everyone’s “stripper names,” forever and ever — particularly when it comes to his fellow celebrities.
Recently, E! News sat down with Tatum and challenged him to assign stripper-esque stage names to photos of various male celebrities. Not surprisingly, the results are both hilarious and fairly accurate.
I have to say, I’m honestly impressed with the effortlessness of Tatum’s stripper-name-bestowing skills. The guy barely breaks a sweat as he’s cycling through photos of celebrities and dubbing them with various lusty monikers.
My personal favorite? Calling Harry Styles the “English Muffin.”
Tatum’s other brilliant name assignments include:
- Zac Efron: “Rusty Sparkplug”
- George Clooney: “Debonair Dog Leg”
- Steve Carrell: “The Hero’s Bollocks”
- Jonah Hill: “The Unicorn”
- Michael Strahan: “The Tiramisu Titan”
- Justin Bieber: “The Tattooed Kid”
- Leonardo DiCaprio: “The Deep Experience”
- Chris Pratt: “Pratt”
- Samuel L. Jackson: “Motha Fuckin’ Samuel L. Jackson”
- Nick Jonas: “Grabby McGrabbington”
- Kanye West: “Mr. West”
So the only remaining order of business is to ensure that all of these men make appearances in the inevitable followup to Magic Mike XXL (which isn’t officially happening, but it’s definitely happening in my head). Because one thing ‘s for certain: it would be a damn shame to put such splendid stripper names to waste.