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‘Adult Entertainment’ Store Employees Share The Craziest NSFW Things They’ve Encountered At Work

Sex stuff is unquestionably NSFW for most employees. But some people work at “adult entertainment” stores, and their entire job, is well, NSFW—by other people’s standards, at least. But, as it turns out, even for people selling sex toys and porn and other stuff that sinners would love, sometimes things get NSFW.

On Reddit, people who work (or worked) in adult stores spilled the beans on some crazy NSFW incidents they’ve encountered.

1. That awkward time when dover_oxide found a customer passed out from drugs:

“I had a customer passed out from some drugs on the shift before mine and my coworkers forgot he was in the arcade. Later that night while I was working and watching slasher movies to pass the time I heard a noise in the arcade. No one has come in for three hours at this point. I’m freaked but I have to go check it out. I go into the arcade with my flashlight, and yell “anybody back here”. Out jumps this crackhead butt naked and screaming. He runs past me through the fire exit and into the night. I later found a crack pipe a wallet with some cash and his clothes. Scared me like no other time in my life.”

2. idipmywingsinranch tells about an employee who learned the hard way not to store his bike in one of the uh… “viewing” booths:

“A friend of mine used to work in one. One of his co-workers used to ride their bike to work and would often store it in one of the booths. They would clean these booths multiple times a day with gloves and bleach for obvious reasons. Well my friend went to clean the booth where the bike was stored and proceeded to grab the bike handle while kneeling down to clean the floor and his hand slipped off the handle. Some dude, who had just been there, lubed up the bike handle and was using it for some butt pleasure.”

3. Erisianistic had some very weirdly dedicated customers:

“I worked in a crummy video store that was probably a tax dodge… Our main moneymakers was the children’s section and then, a distant second, the adult DVDs. This was mainly supported by one old guy who would shuffle in and rent the same DVD week after week, year after year. At least two or three hundred rentals; the system didn’t keep logs as far back as this guy had been renting the exact. same. porn DVD. He could have easily bought it a hundred times over, or stolen it long ago (we wouldn’t have cared at all) and finally the store is closing. The managers like “Your last paychecks are 99.9% gonna bounce, so steal whatever you want now” Us, being nice, finally offer this gentleman the DVD to take home and keep. He refuses over and over till finally the manager writes him a letter “rewarding him a free permanent rental due to his patronage” or some such. He cried.”

4. spiel2001‘s coworker got way too into some of their kinky customers:

“Just after I got out of the Army, in the late 70s, I worked at an adult theater running the projector, doing the lighting for the strippers, cleaning, and fixing shit. For the record, the sound system was the bomb, for the day, and there was nothing as grand as cranking up Dark Side of the Moon, after hours, and tripping out while cleaning the place up.

Anyway, aside from your usual run-of-the-mill creeps and weirdos, like the guy who would leave a used, green, condom in the middle of the aisle every Tuesday night, or the stripper who would fill her whoha with whipped cream and ping pong balls to launch into the front rows, it was not uncommon to have couples come in and get frisky. Almost always in the back rows. From the projection both, you could see them clear as day (most probably had no idea, others were likely hoping to get caught).

So, they hire this new kid and I’m teaching him how the projection booth works. It doesn’t take him long to realize he can see what’s going on in the theater and he takes to spending most of his “free” time sitting in the window where the spot lights are for the strippers.

His third or fourth night there, a couple sits right under the window, gets naked and starts fucking. The kid spots them and takes his seat, then starts leaning out to get a better look… Fell right out the window. Funniest shit I ever saw.”

5. In case you forgot, radiohedge reminds us that people are absolutely disgusting creatures:

“People jerking off in the rentals room, people returning tapes smeared with lube and God knows what else, but my all time favorite was when I ordered Chinese food delivered there, and this sweet little old Asian man delivered it. He had never been in a porn shop before, and was like a kid in a candy store. He was asking what everything was and how it worked, and there was lots of laughter till we got to the dildo wall and he suddenly got furious. He pointed at this super small realistic dildo, think size of a finger, and he starts yelling angrily, “WHAT IS THIS?!?” I immediately took it to a racial place in my mind, thinking he thought it was an Asian dildo, but then he yells, “You sell dildos for children?!?” I laughed and explained that men and women just have many strange tastes for dildos, but that we only sell to adults. Awkward.”

6. VVHYY had customers taping over their sex tapes… with Back to the Future:

“A friend in college worked at an adult book store (late 90s, early 00s.) They had a rash of people renting XXX VHS tapes, recording over them with Back to the Future, and returning them. Lots of pissed off renters coming back with tapes adulterated to be un-adult-rated.”

7. Laser_Fish has not one, but two NSFW work stories from his days working at a porn store:

“I have two stories from when I worked at a porn store in college.

I was an avid reader, so I would bring books and comics in to read during the midnight shift (this was a 24-hour store). One time I was reading Shirley Jackson’s “The Haunting of Hill House” when some guy came in and asked what I was reading. He looked at the cover, said “That’s weird,” and went back to browsing dildos at midnight.

Now where I live there are weird laws about adult stores, one of which is that you can’t have an adult store. You can only have “clubs” that sell adult items. So we got around this by selling a 50-cent membership card. I had a guy come in and give me a really hard time about the membership card because he didn’t have one. I threatened to call the police and have him removed so he relented. After he got his card he commented, “I bet you think all of us gay guys are just after sex all the time.” I thought it was weird; I hadn’t said anything about his sexual orientation, nor about any other customer’s. I replied, “I don’t know about all gay guys, but it’s 3 a.m. and you’re in a porn store, soooo…..”

The funniest sale I ever made was to a young couple, guy and girl. They browsed for a while then came up to the counter with a double-ended dildo thicker than my arm. It was expensive, too. I remember the guy looked really excited my be making the purchase while the woman… not so much. when the day shift guy who had worked there for years came in, he took one look around the store and said, ‘Holy shit. You sold the behemoth?’”

8. Some customers that bought from formershooter were eager to put their purchases to use:

“One day a lady came in and asked to see the Ben Wa Balls (basically metal balls that you put up the vagina). They were in a counter and so he put them on top of the counter, she throws her leg up and puts one right in.”

9. Wait, Iborgulos had a customer using a product in the store as well. Who thinks that’s okay?!

“Older lady comes in and tries to return a remote control vibrator saying it doesn’t work. My brother, after putting on latex gloves, grabs the remote control and puts new batteries in it. With the fresh batteries installed my brother presses the “go” button and instantly the older woman lets out a moan and says, in what my brother called a old smokers voice, ‘oh yah it’s working now!!!’”

10. Oh my god, people, wait until you get home! Leave people like boxedtuna alone!

“I have been flashed MANY penises. And you’d be surprised at how many men stroke themselves through their pants while browsing.”

11. OH MY GOD. kutthr0atb1tch lied to his parents about working at an adult store… and then his parents showed up to his adult store.

“I used to work in an adult store during my early college years, at the time I was still living at home and parents thought I was working in a shoe store. Well, one day I was working the door checking IDs of people who came in when who of all people but MY PARENTS walk through the door. I had to check their IDs too. What’s funny is that they were divorced when this happened but I was too mortified to ask them what they were doing shopping there together. Dad made me quit, oh the hypocrisy.”

12. Alright, tikkamasalachicken doesn’t even work at a sex shop—he’s a coroner. Yet he has the most literally not-safe-for-life answer of all:

“I wasn’t a store employee, but worked for the coroner’s office. Guy had a heart attack in the personal arcade (jack-off booth) and died. We did the removal of his body and all I could think about is how to notify the family with a professional demeanor. Still top 5 of my list of memorable deaths I was privy to.”

via r/AskReddit

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