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A Man Called The Cops On His Wife Because He Found A Cocktail Umbrella In Her Purse And Thought It Was Drugs

In marriage, you occasionally screw up. It’s kind of a given. However, the whole notion of marriage denotes that you attempt to work through problems and overcome them together. No matter what you encounter, the idea of an everlasting union is that you bounce back and use it as a learning experience.

That is, unless your spouse calls the cops on you for drug possession. In which case, I’m not so sure couples therapy can overcome that shit.

One man in Wyoming, Minnesota recently called the local police because he apparently found a broken cocktail umbrella in his wife’s purse, and immediately assumed that the tiny, broken umbrella was drugs.

Yes. Really. Someone was worried that a miniature umbrella was actually drug paraphernalia.

The police station tweeted about the call, as they probably assumed that no one would believe them otherwise. 

Oh, honey, NO. This is stupid on so many levels that it’s hard to pick just one.

Naturally, Twitter had SO MANY QUESTIONS. First: who in their right mind thinks that a cocktail umbrella resembles any kind of drug paraphernalia?

Second, even if it were drugs, why the hell would you snitch on your wife??

Most important of all: why would you ever hang on to a broken cocktail umbrella?

We may never fully receive the answers to these questions, but the police department made sure to offer their sympathies to the husband, who is almost assuredly in the doghouse for this absurd stunt.

I’m sure there is some greater lesson in this story about the dismal state of the health education in public schools or something, but I’m far too distracted by the entertaining visual image of a nerdy guy stumbling upon a broken cocktail umbrella and immediately breaking into a panicked cold sweat.

Perhaps he just realized that his wife had been consuming delicious, frosty tropical drinks without him, and the thought sent him reeling?

What do you think?


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