Ever wonder why so many music videos feel the same? That’s because they are! If they’re not blatantly copying another video, they’re using the same hand-crafted blend of “diverse” background dancers to convey “real life”. Here are the six types of people in pop music videos.
1. The Old Guy
He’s old, but happy! Music videos like Justin Timberlake’s “Can’t Stop the Feeling” are riddled with old guys, dancing their pension worries away.
2. The Piercings Girl
As seen in “Thrift Shop” by Macklemore and once again “Can’t Stop the Feeling”, this girl is a little bit edgy, but not offensively so. She’s the kind of girl who got her septum pierced but she still calls her grandparents.
3. The Homely Hipster
AKA The One Redhead, The Homely Hipster is a staple of feel-good pop music videos. Seen in “Happy” by Pharrell and (you guessed it) “Can’t Stop the Feeling” by Justin Timberlake (basically the 2016 version of “Happy”), The Homely Hipster feels sexiest in a long purple sweater or a calf-length dress from the thirties.
4. The Urban Guy
The Urban Guy is defined by his American Apparel hoodie, skateboard, and headphones.
5. The Chubby Guy
In “All About That Bass”, this guy pretty much steals the show. The Chubby Guy is also seen briefly in “Happy”. Maybe we’re awful, but it seems like the casting director said, “Hey guys, let’s show how progressive we are by having someone who doesn’t fit the typical music video body type. But just have ONE PERSON and have it be really clear that they are that ONE PERSON.”
6. The Hot Guy
“Call Me Maybe”, “TGIF”, and every other music video from a female artist features The Hot Guy. He usually has washboard abs, cheekbones for days, dark hair, and the obliviousness of a polar bear claiming climate change isn’t real.
7. The Hot Girl
Basically every music video from a tween male singer features The Hot Girl. Justin Bieber, Zayn (previously Zayn Malik, if anyone was confused), and warbling teen idols for centuries to come will all have music videos with The Hot Girl.
8. The Pair of Asian Girls
What better accessory than your own pair of Asian girls?! Initially we were going to just say “The Cool Asian”, but then we stumbled on the The Pair of Asian Girls type and were shocked that it;s a thing. “Bitch I’m Madonna”, Gwen Stefani’s “Great Escape”, and, yup, “Happy” all feature a pair of Asian girls, as if to say “Yes, Asians do all look alike! They dress alike! And come in pairs! How cute!” Ugh.
9. The Dancing Kids
And lastly, the ultimate ugh: The Dancing Kids. Is it just us, or is their presence intended to make the viewer feel like sh*t for being pathetically unaccomplished compared to this dance-wiz star who’s already booked a music video.
We don’t know what conclusion to draw after all that. As much as we find music videos obnoxious, we love them and secretly wish we could be one of those dancing-on-the-street-just-cuz people. But alas, the only dance we know is the Soulja Boy. Let me know your most loved/hated/both-ed music video types on Twitter @andihester!