If you are a searing ball of anxiety like me, a text message notification can send you into a panic. My parents only recently figured out how to text, and that is for sure not helping. However, the most troubling kind of text to receive is one from someone you haven’t heard from in a very long time. And within that kind of text, there are specific ones that will fill you with the most profound sense of dread. I THINK I HAVE THEM NARROWED DOWN! Here are the texts that will send you into panic mode.
Can I Call You?
Why? Why do you need to start a different form of conversation after we’ve already begun this one, which is infinitely more casual? What terrible news do you have to deliver?!
You Doing Okay?
Oh boy, when you get this from someone you haven’t talked to in a while, it means one of two things: 1) Your social media presence has become so unhinged that people are noticing and assuming it’s less of a joke and more of a cry for help, or 2) Your in-person interactions are becoming so infamous that word is starting to spread about them.
How Long Until A Dead Body Starts To Smell?
This is an alarming text to receive from anyone, no matter how recently you’ve spoken, but if it’s been a while it also adds the element of “Why am I the person they’re coming to? Do I have some sort of reputation?”
You Were In My Dream Last Night
Oh boy! What was the dream about? Why was it me? Why would you feel the need to tell me?! Bonus points if they never give any additional information.
Where Is My Money!
Bad news — not only have you forgotten about a monetary debt you apparently have to someone, but they’ve become so impatient with your slow repayment that they’ve gone from asking you where their money is, to making it a statement.
Have A Great Financial Opportunity For You. Big Money.
Shout out to your casual acquaintance who is now in, at best, a pyramid scheme, or at worst, some kind of death cult.
Wait, what? Why are you just being coy out of nowhere, with absolutely zero context?!
I Am The Zodiac Killer
I understand that he’s been in the news because of Ted Cruz, but even just joking about being a serial killer is… disconcerting. Hell, maybe that texter was killed by the Zodiac, and now the Zodiac is texting random people from the victim’s contact list!
Anything That’s Been Broken Up Into Multiple Texts
Oh God, what old conflict are you suddenly searching for resolution for?
Is there a certain kind of text that fills you with such anguish you can barely even handle it? Please, let us know. I’d love to hear from my comrades in anxiety on Twitter @Smosh.