We all eat cereal. It’s convenient, comes with unnecessary goodies, and boasts creepy mascots. But do you ever wonder what that girl in your dorm thought about you while you got a third bowl of Lucky Charms? Prepare for the truth.
You’re a little stinker. You don’t replace the toilet paper roll when you use the last of it. You’re a middle child who didn’t get the attention you deserved.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
You’re dead inside and the only thing keeping you going is the sugary milk from CTC. You were an early adopter of Tamagotchis and you make money driving Pokémon Go users.
Honey Nut Cheerios
You’re a flip-flopper. You can’t make up your mind. Healthy cereal or sugary? You voted for Obama last time around, but this time you’re thinking Trump just to see what’ll happen.
You’re a parent of toddlers, an actual toddler, or your parents gave you this stuff so you wouldn’t be addicted to sugar (but they were quick to get you on ADHD meds).
You’re either twenty-four or forty-two. You own a Fitbit and Spanx.
Kashi Go Lean
Your savings go to highlighting your hair and eyelash extensions. (Also, watch the video. It will definitely add meaning to your life.)
You’re chill. I mean you’re basically eating something with the texture of dog kibble. You are patient and will tolerate bad times for the eventual good, as evidenced by the fact that you’re willing to eat little monkey poos until you can drink the sweet sweet poo– I mean chocolate milk.
You’re an insecure PTA mom who constantly tries to prove her self-worth through homemade Rice Krispie treats (said mom made this video).
You’re not great.
We’ll give you a moment to recover from the shocking accuracy of what you just read. Facing the truth can be difficult. If you need an unsympathetic shoulder to cry on, hit me up on Twitter @AndiHester.