Look, we’re all grieving Harambe. He was truly one of the greats and we will all miss him for the rest of our lives. My dick is out for him 24/7. But I think our grief has blinded us to the fact that the greatest gorilla of all time is still with us and deserves our love and memes now, while she’s still alive. Here are eight reasons you should love Koko, the greatest gorilla of all time.
1) She f*cking TALKS
That’s right, Koko speaks sign language and has a vocabulary of thousands of words. In fact, Koko can communicate not only her needs, but also her thoughts and feelings. Most of us can’t even do that.
2) She was friends with Robin Williams
When Robin Williams visited, Koko challenged him to a game of chase and tickle, tried on his glasses, and even peeked at his tummy. Did you have that kind of a friendship with Robin Williams, one of the greatest actors and comedians of our time? I didn’t think so.
3) She just played bass with Flea
That’s right, Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers just visited Koko and brought her a bass guitar… and she f*cking jammed out on it. I know Koko plays at least as well as the average 7-year-old guitar student, because my brother used to play guitar and I had to go to his child guitar recitals.
4) She paints
Koko and her best friend Michael (another one of the greats lost too soon, RIP Michael) have extensive catalogues of their art online for you to peruse. Koko’s helpers give her an entire paint palette and she chooses her colors and can paint from real life, memory, and her imagination. This painting is titled “Bird”, and hell yeah I think it looks like a bird.
5) She is really cute
Koko has been cute her entire life. Look at baby Koko. Look look look. Is there anything cuter in the world than baby Koko? NO there isn’t. And now she’s the cutest 45-year-old on Earth.
6) She’s funny
Koko really knows how to bring the laughs. The vast majority of human beings need to take a bunch of improv classes to do that.
7) She loves kittens
Koko loves kittens as much as the internet does. She got on the cover of National Geographic for her first kitten friendship with All Ball (who she named herself). Also, Koko’s gentle and sweet with kittens and likes them to crawl around on her head. What’s better than a cat on your head? Good call, Koko.
8) She’s caring and thoughtful
Koko loves people, animals, and is even passionate about saving the environment. And even though she’s strong enough to rip your arms off, she’d rather give you a hug. As much as I love Harambe, he was gonna murder that little kid. Koko would never murder a little kid, and that makes her the GOAT (it is a pretty low bar for a gorilla to be a GOAT).
Please, understand, I am not trying to replace Harambe. Nobody can do that. I will think of him every day until I die. But I know we all have enough room in our hearts for another gorilla, my girl Koko. Who’s your favorite gorilla? You have to have one. Tweet at me and let me know @erikaheidewald!