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8 DC Comics Villains Not Nearly Cool Enough For 'Suicide Squad'

Dr. Domino DC

Based on the DC Comics series, the upcoming Suicide Squad features an antihero strike team made up of the very worst villains Batman’s ever caught to do the government’s dirtiest work. Of course, it takes quite a bit of evildoing to reach bad-yet-still-employable status, which is why the following actual DC villains have yet to make a connection with the Suicide Squad on LinkedIn.

 

Dr. Domino

Dr. Domino DC
(source)

Reasons Not Recruited: Despite the “Dr.”, Domino has no doctorate to speak of and, if pushed, would probably knock over 500 henchmen as everyone clapped. He also looks less menacing than a mahjong piece.

 

Rainbow Raider

Rainbow Raider DC
(source)

Reasons Not Recruited: Roy G. Bivolo was born colorblind, so his father gave him special goggles that let him see color. He immediately used them to steal art. The goggles also rob other people of color, create a color prison, and change peoples’ moods with color. In short, it was a mood ring with a nuke option, which frankly says everything you need to know about the ’70s.

 

Blue Snowman

Blue Snowman DC
(source)

Reasons Not Recruited: A human woman pretending to be a living male snowman — which was the plot of Frosty until producers realized his melting meant kids would see a naked lady — Blue Snowman threatens farmers with an early frost unless they pay up. That’s pretty much it. Also, the person inside that giant metal outfit died of heat exhaustion thirty years ago and no one knows.

 

Kite Man

Kite Man DC
(source)

Reasons Not Recruited: Not so much made of kite as an owner of a kite, Kite Man is like that kid who makes a really big deal out of a really crappy present. He’s also at the complete mercy of the wind, whether it blows hard, soft, or not at all, meaning the poor guy is always plummeting face first into concrete or getting tangled in live overhead wires.

 

The Royal Flush Gang

Royal Flush Gang Superfriends
(source)

Reasons Not Recruited: Without an ace, these guys aren’t so much a “royal flush” as the hand that costs a sh*tty gambler his house. Their costumes are the sort of cosplay that sounds like a great idea at first, until they get to a con and people look away, not wanting to make fun of the poor albinos who have no idea how to dress for Game of Thrones.

 

Crazy Quilt

Crazy Quilt DC
(source)

Reasons Not Recruited: Created as a warning to any kid who wanted to pursue a creative career, Crazy Quilt is an artist who leaves clues to his crimes in his paintings. He’s eventually blinded by a gunshot and volunteers for corrective surgery that leaves him only able to see bright colors. So if you ever wanted a villain who could be outwitted by mauve, here he is.

 

The Crimson Centipede

Crimson Centipede Wonder Woman
(source)

Reasons Not Recruited: Let’s just say it — Wonder Woman got the crap end of the stick when it came to super villains. There was Angle Man, Doctor Psycho, The Human Fireworks, The Revenger, Paper Man, Earl of Greed, The Human Tank, and this fellow. Created by the god Mars in a bet with Aphrodite (just go with it), the Crimson Centipede was a essentially a giant bug with many, many boxing gloves. He would fire countless guns at once, encourage theft, and run away. Again and again. Then Wonder Woman goes berserk. If he’s still around it’s only because someone forgot to flush the giant tissue he’s crushed in down the toilet.

 

Which super villains would you want on the Suicide Squad? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!

Contributor: 
Francesco Marciuliano
View Count: 
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Mass images: 
Blue Snowman DC
Crazy Quilt DC
Crimson Centipede Wonder Woman
Dr. Domino DC
Kite Man DC
Rainbow Raider DC
Royal Flush Gang Superfriends

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