Life is all about learning lessons until you die. Tough break, I know, but it doesn’t mean growing as a person isn’t satisfying. Here’s a little life lesson form ol’ Will Weldon — you’re not clean enough. With that in mind, here are some things you can clean a little more often, as you’re almost assuredly not cleaning them enough.
Are you concerned about your skin? Do you have a ton of excess oil, and black heads, and garbage like that? Well bad news — sometimes that’s just genetic, and if you want to do something about it, you’ll need medication (ALTERNATE IDEA: maybe it’s not that bad and you can simply remind yourself that you are fine the way you are?) But there’s ALSO a chance that your skin is greasy because you don’t wash it enough. Not only that, but there’s a chance you have food on your face, you animal.
I live in Los Angeles, a city whose health department gives grades to restaurants based on how cleanly they are when preparing food. TONS of people won’t eat at a restaurant with a “B” rating. You know what the average person’s kitchen would get, though? An “F”. You cook so many raw things, and then just let the dirtied utensils sit in the sink before you wash them, and even then you don’t do a good enough job cleaning them! Your sink is a breeding ground of bacteria and disease — scorch the Earth in that bad boy!
You know what another name for your hands could be? “Filth spreaders”. Wash your hands, and stop touching your face, and you will be blown away by how much less frequently you get sick.
I know, it’s a weird thing to think about, because all a trash can does is hold garbage. But guess what needs to be washed really frequently? Something that is always filled with garbage! Trash is often literal filth, and it’s just not possible for something holding trash to not also get rapidly and very dirty.
Remember earlier, when we talked about your greasy-ass face? Well, one thing that can help make your face extra oily is your oily-ass pillow case. Your hair is also very greasy, and that stuff is ALL OVER your pillow case. Your pillow cases go through hell; treat them right.
Yes, when you get out of the shower, you are as clean as you could possibly be. So maybe you think that means your towels, the first things to touch your body, will remain as clean as when they first come out of the washing machine. Well they don’t, and if you have dark towels, you probably won’t even be able to see the dirt that’s on there.
Your Heart of Petty Slights
Let things go, my friend. You can’t exist with so much hate inside of you.
Have you seen the light? Will you become a cleaner person? (You should, my friend. You should.) Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!