Listen, it’s hard to be interesting. But you’ve gotta try, because these transparent attempts by people without personalities to hide that fact are not exactly going well:
When do you work out? Why do you work out? For how long do you work out? What is the name of your work out? Feel free to use the answers to these questions in place of actual opinions or thoughts or feelings.
Raw, Seething Hatred
Lest anyone mock me, a notoriously miserable crank, for coming down on this personality trait, let me be clear — I only hate most things. That’s okay. What makes you a million times less interesting is when you just hate everything. How can you possibly have interesting thoughts on things when you don’t have an occasional positive opinion to serve as a comparison?
Are you a vegan? Are you a carnivore? Do you have some sort of new, crazy ass set of guidelines for what you eat? Well if you want, you can never stop sharing it, and its benefits, and lowkey trying to guilt people into following the same path. That can be your entire personhood.
Know that your years where you can exclusively be summed up as a “drunken party animal” will later on be referred to as your “pre-bottom years”.
Once in a while, the world demands sincerity.
Do you lack the ability to actually have real opinions and interests yourself? Then why not sign up for some dumb thing like loot crate, and just let your purchases define who you are? After all, who needs “humanity” when you have “things you bought”?
Be Absorbed By A Hive Mind
WE ARE ONE. WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE. WE WILL ABSORB THE WORLD. WE ARE BOOOOOOOOOOORING.
How are you trying to cover up the fact that you’re uninteresting as hell? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!