Twitter is, at this point, largely a hell hole. Sure, occasionally someone gets in a solid burn, but it’s mostly just a lot of racists who have been… gently encouraged, we’ll say, and the same five jokes being retweeted over and over again by “parody” accounts. BUT there are a few Twitter accounts with no name that are shining beacons of light in this dark time. Please, let us celebrate these, the best anonymous Twitter accounts.
(everyone in dm notices ive been trying to type something for 10min straight) sorry all. iwas just writing down a girls phone number in here
— wint (@dril) October 10, 2016
For any stupid thing you’ve ever tweeted, there is a Dril tweet preemptively mocking you for it. So far beyond just “irony Twitter”, this is the account that you either love the most, or think is an “emperor’s new clothes” situation, in that everyone has deceived themselves into thinking it’s good. And nobody has any idea who this guy(s)/girl(s) writing these tweets is/are.
The Last Blockbuster (@loneblockbuster)
We may not have the movie you’re looking for but I’m positive we have an Ashton Kutcher flick that’s just as good.
— The Last Blockbuster (@loneblockbuster) October 29, 2016
I do not know who runs this account, but as someone who worked at Blockbuster for a number of years, they either worked there themselves or understand the chain’s corporate culture better than they realize. This account is funny in a dry way, much like the Epcot Center Twitter account, which I also would’ve included on this list if the guy who runs it hadn’t put his name on the dang thing.
Seinfeld Current Day (@seinfeld2000)
Jary gaze wistfuly at his own reflectien in the miror
JARY: Whats the deal … with me?
He search his sad eyes for an answer but find none
— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld2000) May 29, 2014
A quasi-parody of Modern Day Seinfeld, another incredibly popular Twitter account, Seinfeld Current Day was created by someone who thought “What if that account were written by a total cretin?” And here we are.
So Sad Today (@sosadtoday)
when a boy flirts with me i’m like are you ready for me to give your texts total control over my wellbeing
— so sad today (@sosadtoday) October 30, 2016
Yeah yeah, we know who writes this one (it’s poet Melissa Broder), but guess what? She doesn’t explicitly put her name anywhere on the Twitter account, so I’m counting it, dammit! Anyway, this is the perfect account if you just want some faceless, unknown entity capturing the vague essence of everything that is or has made you sad.
Big Ben (@big_ben_clock)
— Big Ben (@big_ben_clock) October 30, 2016
This is a clock that bongs every hour, the correct amount of bongs. It has been doing it for… an absurdly long time. It’s very funny.
CORRUPT “””MEDIAS””” WOULD HAVE YOU BLELIVE I SITTING ALONE WITH STOLEN BAGGEL. FALSE. I HAVE TWO BAGGLE.
— birdsrightsactivist (@ProBirdRights) August 14, 2016
This is a bird that is fighting for birds’ rights. It comes off as both a very smart bird, and a very dumb person. No one knows who the bird is.
Im Actually Bonding With The SuperHot John Cena? I Thought To Myself . It was unbelievable
— Fanfiction_txt (@fanfiction_txt) October 22, 2016
This account is nothing but random lines from various fan fictions/reviews of fics that the account moderator(s?) post without any other context. Occasionally they end up being profound, they’re often hilarious, and are also frequently very vulgar.
Do you have a favorite in the world of unknown Twitter? Let us know @Smosh!