As you get older, there will be lots of people and experiences that will end that you won’t miss. But what about the toughest of times? Say… the complete and total collapse of society? While there are sure to be plenty of things you’ll miss, what kind of things will you be able to focus on to take your mind off of your new waking nightmare? Well, gather round and take heed, because I’ve thought of some things that we shan’t be missing as the world ends…
As all cellular communication on Earth is wiped out, and we’re unable to do anything more than scream at people a few yards away from us, I will think fondly about how at least I’m not having an ad for a product I neither want nor can afford pop up and cover our entire interaction.
The Beauty Standards
While our culture is still disproportionately hard on women in terms of what it demands of their appearance, the unreasonable demands on men are slowly beginning to catch up (*depressed voice* woot). But when we’re all draped merely in whatever rags and other protective cloth we can find in the interest of surviving, no one will be in the mood to make fun of your crow’s feet, will they?
Paying For Anything
Other than “humanity’s sins”, nothing will need to be paid for ever again. So if you see the collapse of society coming, make sure you empty out that wallet on some fun stuff. Ah fun, one of the things I will miss with the collapse of humanity.
High Rent Prices
How much could someone really charge you to live in the burned out husk of an old building? That’s right, zero dollars, because the entire economy has collapsed and money means nothing. We discussed this. Please keep up.
Hell, I would actively assist you in bringing about the downfall of society if it meant I would stopped being spammed by LinkedIn.
Cannibalism Being Taboo
Look, it was just the Fourth of July, and everybody was walking around, talking about “America”, and “Freedom”. Well, if this country’s so damn free, why the hell is it still illegal for me to eat somebody? I didn’t die for our freedom in the Korean War just to come back to America and not eat human flesh. Maybe the guy was already dead! I’m not hurting anybody!
Have I sufficiently managed to find some silver linings to a very grey cloud? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!