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6 of the Most Awkward Body Parts: RANKED

Listen, everyone’s body is a little weird — even if you’re a celebrity. We get that they’re not meant to be only aesthetically pleasing; that they also serve a purpose, namely keeping us alive, so who are we to say that our body parts are awkward? But they are! And let’s get this out in the open first: genitalia are not on this list because they are sooo obviously awkward we couldn’t even begin to describe that whole situation. But “luckily”, our little bodies are chock full of awkward angles, lumps, lumps, and masses, so here we go!

1. Armpits

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Of course Beyonce has perfect armpits. We’re not talking about queens here. We’re talking about real people like you and me who have swampy, discolored, mocassin-textured skin under our arms. And what’s the survival point of having hair in our pits? I’ve never once shaved and then thought, “I’m freezing! Man I miss my pit hair!”

2. Ankle

Girls who wear ankle bracelets <3

I would literally rather go to jail (and subsequently do the whole Orange is the New Black thing and write a book because a white girl in jail is important) than don an ankle monitor. Ankles are the bony, emaciated version of wrists… if you’re lucky. If you’re not, they’re just a shapeless mass of skin transitioning your calf to your foot. It goes without saying, I haven’t worn sandals since 2003. (Maybe I should write a book about that: Orange is the New Sandal.)

3. Ribcage

Ribcage

Even this is less disturbing than seeing a real rib cage, taunting you from beneath its protective layer of skin. Your ribcage is responsible for the speedbumps on the road to awkward. You show me a good-looking rib cage and I’ll show you a rehab because you are on drugs.

4. Elbows

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Stop, Jessica Alba! Stop it right now, you beautiful vixen who has somehow managed to build a consumer goods empire all while maintaining your A-list status in Hollywood! Elbows look like little underground creatures who stopped short of growing a face. You’d find them battling over territory with naked mole rats. Elbows simply need to go.

5. Fingers

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Why are they so long? And why are they still not long enough to comfortably text on an iPhone 7 Plus? And why does the wrinkly skin over the middle part of the finger look like the Pocahontas tree?

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6. Toes

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Ah! I’m sorry! Look away! Here, let’s use this image instead:

via GIPHY

Ick, even animated toes are awkward toes. They’re dexterous, but not enough to really help you pick stuff up. They’re supposedly help you “balance”, but have you ever *almost* fallen and then looked down to see that your brave little pinky was the only thing between you and toppling down the stairs? Useless and awkward. We’d cut off our toes and replace them each with office chair wheels in a heartbeat.

turtle prosthetic leg
(source)

What’s your most awkward body part? Let us know on Twitter at @AndiHester!

Contributor: 
Andi Hester
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Mass images: 
turtle prosthetic leg

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