Whether you’re prepared or not, college is a time of growth and regret. No matter what, you’ll leave college wishing you had done something (most likely everything) differently. So let us save you that heartache! Here are six things you’ll learn too late in college.
1. Dining Hall
By December of freshman year, you’ll gain fifteen pounds if you’re lucky. This jolly Smosh writer gained thirty. Sitting at your desk playing Farmville with your jeans unbuttoned, you’ll finally realize that you’re not getting “your money’s worth” by stuffing your face at the AYCE dining hall.
Like a pesky hangnail, you’ll refuse to let go of your first year roommate and floor buddies. Sure, you all talk sh*t behind each other’s back and only hang out because you’re terrified of being alone. But know this — a few months into living with your college “besties” in a sweet off-campus apartment, you’ll admit that you truly hate these people.
The major you initially picked because “it sounded good” will be the bane of your existence. You’ll stress over whether you should change to Bagpiping, your one true passion. You’ll stick it out with Economics and then find that unless you’re pre-med, no one gives a f*ck about your major. (Will Ferrell studied Sports Broadcasting and now look at him!)
At first, the idea of living with friends is thrilling: staying up all night, order pizza at two AM, laugh at genitals on Chatroulette. (Yeah I went to college in 2009, deal with it.) But sometime around junior year, when you’re on the top bunk of a 100-square-foot room listening to a drunken hook-up directly below you, you’ll discover that living with people is the worst.
5. It’s not that hard
If you’re lucky enough to have Mom and Dad supporting you, don’t even waste these precious years stressing. Midterms and finals are a breeze compared to the real world where you put off going to the dentist for three years because you don’t have insurance. F’real, chill out. You got it made in the shade. Don’t fall victim to thinking your life is hard because you pulled one all-nighter after not paying attention in class all semester. You good.
6. It doesn’t matter
The drama, the grades, the weight — none of it matters. There’s a big bad world out there that you haven’t even started to explore. As “old” as you feel celebrating your twentieth birthday doing sake bombs at a sh*tty sushi bar, you’re still a baby. An obnoxious baby.
And if all that didn’t get you absolutely jazzed about college, consider this: after thousands of dollars and hours of your life, you still won’t know what the f*ck is going on or what you will do with your life!