58 Period Jokes So Funny You’ll Laugh Your Cramps Away

It’s funny how the phrase is “on your period.” Like you’re on a drug. Prolly because it makes you insane, but at the same time ooo brownies

— Jamie A Lee (@TheJamieLee) June 6, 2013

Always a relief when you get your period & realize you’re not in fact pregnant WITH SADNESS

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 22, 2016

hey boy, are you my period? because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly

— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) November 8, 2015

My period is like a houseguest: always shows up on the weekend and inspires me to overeat junk food.

— Selena Coppock (@SelenaCoppock) May 16, 2015

“Parting the Red Sea” is my favorite biblical miracle that’s also a euphemism for fingering a woman on her period.

— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 7, 2015

Day 4 of my period I’m like “LOL settle down now. I get it. I’m not pregnant.”

— Jackie Carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) January 21, 2016

When you start your period and you realize you’re another month closer to death.

— shaw tt (@MeganNahhhman) August 27, 2015

I track my period by my reactions to laughing baby videos on the internet. According to the amount of crying I just did, I’m 4 days away.

— Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) August 26, 2015

I swear to god, if males could menstruate, we’d all get monthly leave for the first three days of our periods.

— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) October 14, 2015

You know what? Fuck it. I’m just going to go up to every man on the street that I can find and start describing my last period to him.

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 31, 2016

Just teared up at this bar bathroom graffiti telling me to love myself so no, I don’t need your period tracker app

— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) August 21, 2016

Sometimes getting my period feels like the universe’s way of saying “You definitely shouldn’t fuck that guy.”

— ali waller (@imaliwaller) July 22, 2011

I blame everything on having my period/being about to start my period/just finishing my period.

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) March 10, 2016

I google “what happens during a period” once every month

— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) October 11, 2013

On the one hand getting your period sucks but on the other it makes you totes unfazed when the blood of your enemies spills into your hands

— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) September 4, 2016

going to bathroom to check if your period started even tho you know it hasnt = refreshing your inbox even tho u know theres no new emails

— Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) August 8, 2016

love to forget to take my tampon out until after i’ve peed so i get to pull on the pee string ?

— yung ellen barkin (@christinefriar) August 16, 2016

7yr old “Do women get their periods on weekends too?”
Me “Yes”
7yr old mutters to herself “Jesus Christ”

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) November 20, 2015

him: what u doin
me: (finger painting with period blood) nothin u

— Jess [ham] ☂️ (@thejessbess) September 9, 2016

me on my period

*bf sneezes*
me: are u mad at me
him: I just sneezed
me: idk seemed like an angry sneeze tho

— lil t (@gothmoneytkeyah) April 5, 2016

Do I have to poop or is that my period? The autobiography

— Rhiannon (@RhiannonBegeal) May 7, 2016

Me: Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage

Me on my period: *cries about not holding the door for someone 6 years ago*

— Becky Kaminsky (@beckkaminsk) October 14, 2016

I understand that we gotta shed our uterine lining once a month, but the bloating and acne that accompanies it is just bullying.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) October 14, 2016

Sometimes being on your period means shedding an actual tear over spilled ranch dressing & still having to accept yourself for who you are.

— Janie Johnson (@jarojohn_) October 17, 2016

I wish “squirting” referred to the ability to squirt menstrual blood in the eyes of misogynistic men at will.

— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) October 6, 2016

Instead of being like “ugh are you on your period?” BUY ME SOME CHOCOLATE, A CHEESECAKE, A PUPPY, IM BLEEDING AND IN PAIN.

— Caroline☼ (@CarolineAnn27) November 7, 2015

Menstrual cramps are just free samples of what giving birth feels like

— Supa Fly Hella Dope (@cerealtndencies) October 18, 2015

Oh you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get u a tissue?

— No Autographs Please (@Angneedshelp) October 21, 2012

There Will Be Blood: instructional video for men to stop being giant babies about dealing with periods.

— Bez (@Bez) August 26, 2015

I like to discuss my heavy flow on first dates, so men know that I’m fertile.

— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 14, 2015

“Wow I wish there was a way for us to know whether or not we’re pregnant.” — women
“Hahaha be careful what you ask for.” — God or w/e

— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) August 11, 2015

Wow uterus. Sorry I didn’t get you pregnant. No need to throw a temper tantrum.

— Mean Blonde Barbies (@meaniebarbie) October 4, 2012

Someone hold me and tell me this period isn’t actually baby Satan trying to rip through my uterus and kill me

— Andi (@andreakaye_x) March 14, 2016

Why is it called menstruating and not womenstruating?

— april lavalle (@imatoofbrush) December 28, 2015

Every time I sneeze while I’m on my period I feel like a tube of ketchup

— r (@SimplyRania) March 10, 2017

Period:?Guess who’s back… Back again?

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?

Period: I can come back in 9 months?

Me: Keep fucking singing.

— Lacey Nycole (@LaceyNycole) December 5, 2015

a woman’s period is like once a month her body accidentally hits caps lock on her emotions

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 3, 2016

is my period making me hormonal or am I really just this unhappy and emotional: a novel by me

— mothership (@court_morris_) March 28, 2017

They should put prizes in tampon boxes lmao like yeah your period sucks but here’s 75% off some ice cream

— Kelly (@k3llytweets) March 26, 2017