Sure, gamers can be colossal a-holes, but every now and then, the developers themselves throw on some fancy black hats and become villains in their own right. Here are five times that video games were designed to be huge jerks.
The Psycho Mantis Fight – Metal Gear Solid
The tactics of Psycho Mantis have become the stuff of legend. Awful, horrible legend. One of the most vexing aspects of Metal Gear Solid, Psycho Mantis could read your mind and predict exactly which buttons you were going to push. Not only that, but the Mantis also invaded your memory card and taunted you about what OTHER games you were playing, like a jilted lover going through your phone to see who else you’ve been texting. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, OKAY.
You Don’t Know Jack
Dickishness was the name of the game for Jellyvision’s You Don’t Know Jack series, in which you were routinely mocked and harassed for not knowing obscure bits of trivia. The best element of the game may be when a player would attempt to use profanity in place of a name, which would set the host off on a tirade, docking you thousands and thousands of dollars before sticking you with an unchangeable insult of a name. Can Alex Trebek start doing this to Jeopardy contestants on the reg? I know he’s secretly a bottomless well of Canadian rage…
Eternal Darkness’ Sanity Effects
Eternal Darkness employed the unique gameplay mechanic of a “Sanity” meter. The more scared you were, the more your sanity dwindled, and the more that dwindled, the harder the game became. Most ruthless, though, is when the meter would drop far enough that the game started messing not with the character, but you the player, muting your television and even leading you to believe it was erasing your saved game data. NOT cool, Eternal Darkness. People have been severely injured for less! Harm my friends or family, whatever, but leave my memory card OUT of this.
Making you serve detention – Bully
The teenage asshole version of Grand Theft Auto didn’t let you carjack people or commit murder, so likewise it wouldn’t throw you in the clink, but it WOULD force you to play monotonous detention-esque mini-games as punishment, either mowing grass or shoveling snow, depending on the season. Your reward for playing all of these was a fancy orange prison jumpsuit, just to make up for all of your lost time and sanity. That’s kinda how games work in general, isn’t it?
A million games that punish you for playing on “Easy”
Did you have the nerve to play your favorite game on “Easy” mode? Well, depending on what you’re playing, get ready to be called “sissy”, “princess”, or one of many other variants. The most hilarious/infuriating dig at less-than-capable players might be Metal Gear Solid V, an uber-serious game that forces you to wear an cartoony chicken hat if you don’t want any sort of challenge. This proves that chickens and MGS are a winning combination. “Bawk? BAWWWWWK!!!”
How would you get revenge on a jerk of a game? Let me know on Twitter!