Like an army of crack-addled Victor Frankensteins, fast food chains don’t need any additional reasoning for the monstrosities they create. And yet, the holidays send them into overdrive, providing fast food restaurants with more ingredients and more forced themes with which to ply their horrid trade. Here are five bizarre holiday-themed fast food items.
Berry Burgers – Burger King Japan
Berries are a big part of the holidays, right? And hamburgers? Well, er, not so much. Either way, it was an interesting choice when BK Japan decided to throw cranberry, blueberry and blackberry sauce on a burger and say MERRY CHRISTMAS, WORLD. Behold, the the Premium Berry burger! Wait, hang on, you’re telling me that nobody jumped on the chance to make a BERRY CHRISTMAS joke? Are you for real?
Christmas Party Barrel – KFC Japan
KFC has apparently become a massive, massive Christmas tradition in Japan, and if you break it down by content, there’s nothing THAT weird about this one. But come on America, how are you going to let anyone else have the insanely America-worthy “Christmas Party Barrel” first? That thing couldn’t be more American if it included Bald Eagle Nuggets and a side of firecrackers.
Triple Treat Box – Pizza Hut
Speaking of ‘Murica, allow me to introduce you to Pizza Hut’s Triple Treat Box, a three-story serving of pizzas, breadsticks, and a gigantic cookie… thing. Hey, world, we probably have more pressing priorities, can we not actively try to develop fast food packaging so large it requires DRAWERS? I’d prefer not to eat my pizza out of a cardboard bureau.
Christmas Tree Pizza Box – Pizza Hut Korea
Not to be outdone, feast those peepers on the Christmas Tree Pizza Box from Pizza Hut Korea. This isn’t merely a triple-decker pizza box, oh, no. As the name implies, this is a series of pizza boxes arranged to look like a dang Christmas tree. You know what, this isn’t weird or gross or anything, this is actually just impressive. Like, the festive delight of a tree-shaped container is actually doing a pretty good job of taking my mind off of the grease-to-pizza ratio I associate with the Hut.
Double Decker Pizza – Pizza Hut Singapore
Okay, seriously, Pizza Hut?! Is this a global assault? Straight out of Guy Fieri’s most delicious nightmares comes the Double Decker Pizza, a pizza with a SECOND pizza (made with a tortilla base) on top of it. Where does it end? This food is seriously just the Xzibit “Yo Dawg” meme come to life, and I can’t tell if I’m delighted or horrified. Also, what in the heck is the Christmas connection?!
How many calories are you going to consume to celebrate the holidays? Let me know on Twitter!