Finding Dory brings back all your favorite characters from Finding Nemo, including the humor-impaired clownfish, the amnesiac blue tang, and the surfer-dude sea turtle (who lives under the water and therefore can’t actually surf), as well as a whole host of new sea creatures. Unfortunately, not all marine life was able to impress Disney’s casting agent, for reasons both disgusting and even more disgusting. Here are the fish that didn’t make it into Pixar’s new animated underwater adventure:
Character Traits: A parasite that severs the blood to the fish’s tongue, causing it to fall off. (This is the part where you thank God they aren’t running about on land.) The louse attaches itself to the stub and becomes a new tongue for the rest of that fish’s life.
Role It Could Play in Finding Dory: In case Ellen DeGeneres quits mid-taping and Disney needs a reason for Dory to suddenly sound like Gilbert Gottfried.
Character Traits: Named after its barrel-shaped eyes, the barreleye’s real distinguishing feature is a transparent, dome-shaped head that makes it look like a snowglobe.
Role It Could Play in Finding Dory: This fish could act as a bridge between Finding Dory and Inside Out when Nemo stares at the feelings inside the barreleye’s see-through brain.
This deep-sea fish, the Black Swallower, can eat fish up to 10 times its own size! Truly incredible evolution. pic.twitter.com/6DmzGj6Q6U
— Strange Animals (@Strange_Animals) January 21, 2015
Character Traits: Treating everyday like it were a Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, the black swallower can inhale fish ten times its mass. Unfortunately, sometimes the fish devours something so large that it can’t digest it. This causes the swallower to float to the ocean’s surface and die, to the great embarrassment of its relatives.
Role It Could Play in Finding Dory: When Marlin finally finds a new love, they mate and have 300 eggs, all of which the black swallower devours in a single gulp during the christening.
Character Traits: A tumor with collagen-injected lips, the blowfish is a gelatinous horror show with almost no muscle tone (but maybe a nice personality).
Role It Could Play in Finding Dory: We could see the blowfish acting as a disastrous blind date, appearing in a bad dream sequence, or portraying a fish with a Scottish accent named “Haggis”.
Pygmy Sperm Whale
Character Traits: Whenever it feels threatened, the pygmy sperm whale emits cloud after giant cloud of sh*t, swirling it around and around to create an impenetrable feces fog.
Role It Could Play in Finding Dory: This whale could turn the entire movie screen into a churning, brown-yellowish mess whenever the animators couldn’t finish a scene.
What fish would you want to see in Finding Dory? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!