You’d think once global warming or nuclear war or robots coming alive and realizing they want to eat us would be a bummer. But, according to popular culture, often times the time after the apocalyptic looks downright fun! Here are some post-apocalyptic universes in which we could actually have a great time!
According to Adventure Time, the post-apocalyptic Earth is populated by a bunch of candy people and adorable talking animals and such. I guess the Lich is kinda a downer, but that aside, if Adventure Time is really going to be what’s up after we destroy ourselves then somebody hurry up and nuke an unstable country!
Sure, in Wall-E the entire Earth is a hellpit of garbage and love-starved robots, but I don’t give a damn how sad Wall-E is, cuz I’m an American. That means I’m gonna be up in that space station getting hugely fat off tasty high-calorie space gruel and hovering around on an electric lazy boy laughing loudly about how much food I spill on myself.
Dawn of the Planet of The Apes
This post-apocalyptic future may not be for everyone, but I remember when I was a little kid my Dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, and I remember saying to him, “I want to ride around on horseback killing sentient apes.” To this day, I’ve tried and tried to live my dream. I fly from country to country and when I get there I buy a horse and a bolt-action rifle and a can of ape musk (to lure them), but I always end up getting arrested and deported before I can live my dream. So I feel like this is the only way I’ll get to be who I know I am, deep down.
Apparently nuclear Armageddon only wiped out the ugly people, because damn son, everybody in the 100 is Maxim magazine hot. I’ll be super sad about nuclear war, until I wake up and look around to find every single human still alive looks like they should be seductively eating an apple in a bathing suit on the cover of a calendar.
The City of Ember
As an adult, I can tell you there’s nothing more frustrating/ terrifying than trying to find a job. If you can’t find one you don’t get money and if you don’t get money you have to eat old boots you cook down by the reservoir. If you do find a job, since wages haven’t risen in 30 years, you’re probably still gonna be eating a boot down by the reservoir. And even if you get a decent paying gig, which you probably won’t, it’ll probably be some boring job reading emails for some rich guy who yells at you that you’re not dressed sexy enough. At least after the apocalypse in the City of Ember everyone gets a job no matter what. And everyone just wears bags and dirty overalls and stuff so it’s way harder for your boss to sexually harass you.
How do you think the apocalypse is going to happen? What are you doing to make it happen faster? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!