Sure, candles are cool if you’re trying to seduce someone or call up evil spirits, but if you’re actually using them to read, candles are the worst — they won’t stop flickering and don’t put out enough light. A simple flick of the switch and that glorious light bulb puts magic to shame. What is wrong with wizards that they like inconvenience so much? I hate them.
You live in a castle and all you have are fireplaces? That’s how you freeze to death, wizards. I want hot air pumped into every corner of my house through vents that hurt your feet when you step on them like a civilized person.
Owls are fluffy and cute and can spit up whole skeletons once they’re done digesting their prey, but should they really be tasked with carrying correspondence? The internet makes owls obsolete, wizards. Plus, you don’t have to feed the internet.
Still with the owls? How do they get ahold of anyone quickly? So many of Harry’s issues could have been solved with a quick text. “Hey Harry, thank for letting me know you liked that Charms lesson from SEVEN DAYS AGO also your sh*tty owl got mouse blood all over my drapes.”
Have you seen the new fall line up for HBO? It’s amazing. We are in a golden era of television programing and all the magic in the world is just not as good as the newest season of Game of Thrones. I would trade the ability to make every ridiculous flavor of those “magically gross” jelly beans for even one episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
What muggle technology do you think would make the wizarding world better? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!