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5 'Love Stories' That Are Frankly Just Not Okay, and Will Never Be Okay

You know #RelationshipGoals? These stories represent the opposite of #RelationshipGoals. Here are the love stories we have no choice but to voice our disapproval of. Sorry love, but you have no place here.

The Guy Who Married a Video Game Character

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A lot of us are obsessed with video games, and even feel a special bond with the characters within the games we play. But a 27-year-old Japanese man who goes by the name of Sal 9000 took his “special bond” with a character named Nene Anegasaki from the Nintendo DS game Love Plus a little too far. He streamed a “semi-serious” wedding to the character online. He exchanged vows with Nene, had a DJ, and even kissed the bride at the end of the ceremony.

The Man Who Slept With 1,000 Cars

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57-year-old Edward Smith claims that says that he’s had sex with a thousand cars. Not in 1,000 cars. With 1,000 cars. Apparently his days of cruising (ew) are over, because he’s “settled down” and is now in a monogamous relationship with a white VW Beetle named “Vanilla”. Wow, so excited to throw up every time I smell vanilla for the rest of my life now! Thanks, Ed!

The Woman Who Married a Dolphin

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Eccentric millionaire Sharon Tendler met Cindy, a male dolphin, at an Israeli resort in the early 1990s. Tendler “courted” the dolphin for over 12 years, and they were finally wed on December 28, 2005. It was the first inter-species “marriage” between a human and a porpoise (no one should be celebrating that fact). Unfortunately, Cindy died in June the following year. Was it because he was a dolphin who was forced to marry a psycho human lady and his body shut down because that’s so wrong? Or maybe old age.

The Man Who Lived With A Corpse as His Lover

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Pictured above is a woman named Elena Hoyos, before and after her death. An x-ray technician named Count Carl Van Cosel, (who was not an actual count and whose last name was actually Tanzier), became obsessed with Elena while she was a patient at the hospital he worked at. The Count promised Elena, who was dying of tuberculosis, that he would bring her back to health with his x-ray machine (really?). But he knew she was dying, and when she finally passed on October 25, 1931, he convinced her family to have her taken to a mausoleum. Somehow, Carl here ended up being the only one with a key, and would visit her every night until eventually he moved her to his house. There, he would dress her up in bridal clothes, dance with her corpse, and do god knows what else. He wrapped her corpse with wax and plaster and doused it with perfume to cover the decaying smell as much as possible. He was later caught, but the statute of limitations had already passed. By the time he was tried, he got away with the whole thing. Yeahhhh…

The Woman Who Married Her Sister’s Murderer

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Victor Cingolani was convicted of murdering Edith Casas’s twin sister Johanna, a former model, in 2010. You’d probably assume that Edith would want nothing more than to see Victor punished for his heinous crime, but instead, she opted to f*cking marry him. Cingolani is currently serving 13 years for being a “willing participant” in Johanna’s death, who was shot twice in the head just days before her 20th birthday. Edith and Victor had been together since before the murder, and despite all the evidence against her now-husband, she swears he’s innocent. “Victor is not a violent person and I’m not mad… we love each other,” Edith said of her sister’s murderer/her own fiance. She had to go through psychological evaluations before her wedding ceremony to Victor in front of a judge, and Victor was returned to his cell right after the ceremony. The rest of Johanna’s family have disowned Edith, because of course they have. Ah, denial is the root of so many love stories, isn’t it?!

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Cat Pajamas
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