Since Pokémon Go was released some five days ago, the world’s been getting outside and walking around for the first time since the automobile was invented in 1886. We people of the internet have obviously been having a ton of fun with the game, but in going back and looking at the Pokémon Go announcement trailer, it’s clear that a few features got the axe to get the game out. But I would argue that some of these features are essential to the Pokémon experience. And so, here are the five features that should’ve been in Pokemon Go from the start, gosh darn it.
I know Pokémon Go is all about wandering around, looking for Pokémon, but straight-up? My friend Jeff has like 1,000 Psyducks and I have none. He is a one percenter, Psyduck-wise, and I deserve at least one of his. And I really want a Psyduck! He is a cute duck! Somehow, trading didn’t make it into Pokémon Go, and it needed to. Trading is a huge part of Pokémon, going back to the days when we kids on the playground would link our game Boys together and swap. Of course, Pokémon Go, at the moment, recreating the feeling of being poor kid whose parents didn’t buy him every Game Boy accessory the moment it came out, link cables included. If I can’t be brought up to Jeff’s level, at least he’s being brought down to mine. (Me and Jeff have been friends since elementary school and his family is very very rich.)
As I wrote when it came out, the most wonderful moment from the Pokémon Go announcement trailer was seeing “everyone in the world, the young and the old, people from different social classes and backgrounds, all coming together to accomplish one goal: beating the sh*t out of a telepathic cat.” But what, now we can’t get together and beat the sh*t out of a telepathic cat? Did big telepathic cat step in and send their telepathic cat lobbyists to influence telepathic cat congress? For those of us who aren’t telepathic cats, the system is truly rigged.
Player vs. player battles
Again, a core element of the Pokémon experience is missing from Pokémon Go. I want to put my cp27 Squirtle up against Jeff’s cp17 Rattata! I want to beat Jeff at something! Anything!
A profound mystery
There were always rumors on the playground that you could move the truck in Pokémon Red and find Mew hiding underneath. It’s these types of video game urban myths that keep the feeling that anything could happen alive for players who’ve already mastered the game’s core mechanics. Here’s my suggestion for an easy mystery to plant in Pokémon Go — giant paw prints all over the place. Like, what made those big paw prints? A big Pokémon? WHO KNOWS??? (It would probably turn out to be a big Pokémon.)
I want to see how I stack up, Pokémon-wise, against the rest of the world… if only because I already know how I stack up, life-wise, against Jeff, and it is not good. The guy just bought a house with a HUGE yard. Me? I live in a small, unmarked hole.
Follow Mikey on Twitter @mikeymccollor.