Kissing is beautiful. It’s romantic. It’s love. Yeah, sure, but when you really think about it, it’s also awkward as hell a lot of the time. So next time you find yourself playing a little tonsil hockey, try not to think about these Tweets, because then you’ll start laughing which will make it even more awkward than it already is.
reasons tongue kissing is weird:
i don’t need your tongue in my mouth when i’ve already got one
— ˗ˏˋ pey ˊˎ˗ (@mygirlpey10) May 24, 2016
If a guy asks if he can kiss me instead of just doing it I like to go “I don’t know, CAN you?” and email him mean kissing instructions later
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) September 28, 2015
ME: ok so I’m gonna say hike and then u just start kissing me
MY OPPONENT: uhhh, that’s not how fantasy football works
— Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) October 12, 2016
The reason football players wear helmets is to stop them from kissing
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) November 9, 2014
gf: um im just not feeling it right now
me: is it me?
[i pause “all-star” by smashmouth] me: well what could it be then
— cool as h*ck turtle (@dubstep4dads) March 3, 2016
“Smash Mouth” sounds like they found out the name “Kiss” was taken but still liked the basic idea.
— Kibblesmith ⚔️ (@kibblesmith) June 30, 2016
If you aren’t 100% charmed by me keeping a fake beer bottle in my purse to break over my own head after our first kiss, keep it moving.
— mamrie hart (@mametown) June 15, 2016
[walks up to couple kissing on the subway] did you bring enough for everybody
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) September 22, 2016
*pulls pristine, luscious lips out of an ornate golden box*
“Actually, THIS is the mouth I kiss my mother with”
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) March 8, 2016
kiss me I’m irritated
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 18, 2014
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Me: I didn’t kiss a girl till I was 25
B: About the case
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) June 22, 2016
If a couple is kissing by you, you can just pour your purse out in between them and say “me too, I’m a part of this also”
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) July 13, 2016
in real life, i can almost always identify whether something is a vase or two people about to kiss.
— Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) March 14, 2016
When kissing your way down a guy’s stomach, stop and blow a huge raspberry so he knows you’re not one of those “serious relationship” kooks.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) April 16, 2016
Welcome to my James Bond kissing booth. For an extra $5 I will kiss the bit you piss from & shoot at the camera. Also there’s a camera.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) May 19, 2016
Two dogs on a date
Looking into each other’s eyes
They lean in to kiss
Metaphorical fireworks go off
Both of them just fuckin run away
— covfefe (@runolgarun) July 5, 2015
No YOU close your eyes at water fountains because you’re pretending it’s a kiss
— Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) February 23, 2016
Can you imagine just walking up to someone and kissing them? I hide from my friends if I see them at a grocery store.
— Sean O’Connor (@seanoconnz) October 8, 2016
They call this “rush hour” because I have to rush around the office to give every coworker a little kiss on the cheek before they leave.
— J.P. McDade (@jp_mcdade) May 26, 2016
The main difference between a cat and a skunk is the kissing technique.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) December 23, 2016
“I saw mommy kissing santa claus” has the same number of syllables as “I saw someone die at Disney World.” Life’s funny like that.
— vineyille (@vineyille) May 24, 2016
A fun thing to do is if you see strangers kissing in public, instead of shouting “Get a room!”, just quickly build a room around them.
— Max Dylan Ash (@mynameisntdave) October 23, 2016
The army are lying to my family. I was not wounded in combat, I was kissing one of the enemy soldiers & he bit my lip too hard.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) June 17, 2016
I’M IN THE CORNER
WATCHING YOU KISS HER
*screams like my only son has been murdered*
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) June 27, 2015
[clones myself to practice kissing] this was a bad idea
me: is it me?
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) August 10, 2016
why do couples take videos of them kissing and then make flipgrams with it I feel like that is extra weird
— Boop (@coopjens) May 24, 2016
The Ferris wheel is the scariest roller coaster because you have to kiss a girl on it
— extremely online guy (@nickmullen) January 23, 2017
1. Eye contact
2. Holding hands
4. Having sex
5. Getting married
6. You watching me scream “It’s All Over” from Dreamgirls
— Grace Spelman (@GraceSpelman) August 15, 2016
As a civic duty I warn pre-teens, “When you kiss somebody you’re kissing every other pillow they kissed.”
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 6, 2017
Think you’re tough, doncha, tough guy. Not so tough when I’m kissing your neck and nibbling your earlobes, are you
— ”Steve” (@extranapkins) February 4, 2017