31 Jokes For When You’ve Had It Up To Here With ‘Beauty Tips’

Beauty tip: Cover up those annoying wrinkles and fine lines by getting a boob job!

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) January 9, 2014

Beauty tip: Add a bit of colour to your cheeks by humiliating yourself in public.

— moody monday (@mdob11) August 13, 2013

Beauty tip:

Bags under your eyes can be alleviated with Preparation H. However, eye shadow only makes your hemorrhoids look smokey.

— Corky Kneivel (@CorkyKneivel) December 28, 2016

BEAUTY TIP: Paint the little hairs surrounding the two gelatinous balls in your skull.

— Ari Scott (@ariscott) April 15, 2014

beauty tip: instead of blush use CHEETOS dust

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) September 27, 2013

Beauty tip: Don’t iron your clothes. The creases will by comparison make your face wrinkles appear smoother. ?

— Jenny Collier (@Jenjencollier) March 3, 2017

BEAUTY TIP: replace your head with a sunset

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 23, 2014

MAKEUP TIP: Put on so much blush that people mistakenly think you are capable of feeling shame

— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) May 15, 2014

One beauty tip is that if you don’t shave for a bit the little hairs on your legs sometimes catch the afternoon sun and look like glitter

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 14, 2016

Makeup tip: hide your eye bags with black rectangles like football players use

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 4, 2015

hot beauty tip drink vodka and pass out where no one can see you

— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) October 29, 2013

Beauty tip: Save time and money on contouring makeup by holding a flashlight under your chin at all times.

— Trevor S (@trevso_electric) April 7, 2014

BEAUTY TIP: keep your hair shiny and moisturized by eating a whole pizza and then rubbing your fingers into your scalp

— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) August 10, 2014

Beauty tip: Turn off the lights

— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) May 4, 2016

Beauty Tip: Typing on an iPhone makes your spelling look 30 years younger!

— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) February 18, 2014

Makeup tip: For clump-free application of mascara do not apply mascara.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 30, 2014

Beauty tip: Maybe lay off the shimmery highlighter when your face starts to look like a glazed donut

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) May 11, 2016

Beauty Tip: Your brows should be strong enough to successfully wrestle a bear-shark, but not so bold they hit on a bride at her wedding.

— maura quint (@behindyourback) March 23, 2015

Beauty tip: save money on makeup remover by crying it off.

— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) April 6, 2015

BEAUTY TIP: extend the life of your gel manicure by cutting off your fingers

— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) November 10, 2014

Makeup tip: blot your lipstick, set your concealer with powder, and live under the withering pressure of the male gaze

— Lisa McIntire (@LisaMcIntire) March 25, 2014

BEAUTY TIP: Use lip balm to make your eyebrows look slimy.

— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) June 17, 2015

Beauty tip: don’t worry about it there are desperate people out there who will have sex with you & some of them will even be nice to you

— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) January 8, 2016

BEAUTY TIP: avoid unsightly wrinkles by being a sociopath who is incapable of feeling genuine emotions

— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) January 8, 2015

Beauty tip: anyone can have a thigh gap if you walk with your legs far enough apart

— Kristen Carney (@KristenCarney) December 11, 2014

Beauty tip: Arrange plucked face hairs into six-pack ab shadows across ur stomach.

— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) March 3, 2015

email beauty tip: “skip washing your hair!”
me: “nooooooo problem”

— Mike Stanley (@TigNotaro) January 27, 2016

Beauty tip: pour a bottle of beer on your hair and wait for an alcoholic to float through your front door by their nose.

— LADYBIRDJ (@ladybirdj) August 10, 2014