I just want to be able to breathe through my nose, is that too much to ask?
When I have my exit interview with God as I’m expelled from Heaven, I’m totally not holding back when I tell Him my feelings on allergies.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) November 25, 2015
Allergies are just your body telling you that you don’t belong on this garbage planet.
— Kevin Nguyen (@knguyen) April 24, 2016
At this afternoon’s matinee, the role of My Spring Allergies will be played by My Fall Allergies.
— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) October 8, 2015
Age 7: “If I could have any superpower I would FLY!”
Age 27: “If I could have any superpower, it would just be to not have any allergies.”
— Kelsey Cook (@KelseyCook) April 26, 2016
My dog has expensive-to-treat seasonal allergies, but because he’s a dog, no one knows he’s a nerd.
— Kristen Bartlett (@kristencheeks) August 10, 2016
pleased to announce i’ve reached the ‘talk to yourself in public to see if your ears have cleared yet’ stage of spring allergies
— Alanna Okun (@alanna) April 14, 2017
On my personal organizational chart, I report directly to ragweed allergies.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) August 10, 2013
Not saying my allergies are bad, but I am breathing exactly like a post-coital Tony Soprano.
— albertina rizzo (@albz) May 29, 2013
do u ever have bad allergies and just lay in bed trying to remember the good times when u could actually breathe through ur nose
— kenna williams (@kennaaabooo) March 23, 2016
As far as I’m concerned, there’s only two seasons. Winter and allergies.
— Melanie (@KeeepHoldenon) March 29, 2016
“Make love, not histamine.” — me to my body, every Spring.
— Gladstone ? (@WGladstone) May 12, 2014
Getting a little spring cleaning done today. So far the inside of my nose is pristine.
— Penalty Kicks (@VocabuLarry) April 7, 2013
Spring is a great season if you like it when trees try desperately to have sex with your eyes, nose and mouth.
— “witch hunt” (@khealywu) May 5, 2015
Pollen levels are supposed to be high all week. Not just high, like high school art teacher high.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 30, 2013
A bartender told me that tequila helps allergies. Makes sense, you never hear a guy who beats his kids complaining about the pollen count.
— Erik Bergstrom (@Erik_Bergstrom) November 25, 2014