Moms and Dads make a killing on the internet telling all of their hilarious parenting stories, but it’s even better when kids say or do something to their parents, especially when they’re kind of sassy about it. Here’ a look at some funny convos parents and other adults have had with some their not-so-innocent children.
My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn’t, that she is a toddler. She replied, “No, I’m a grown up. I’m going to touch knives.”
— Jess is Spooky (@jessokfine) June 29, 2015
5: I’ma marry Noah.
5: He’s handsome and I like his shirt.
Me: Looks aren’t everything.
5: He likes to clean too.
Me: Lock that in.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) January 26, 2016
4: What did I earn for being good today?
Me: My love and affection.
4: [cries] I don’t want that!
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) May 1, 2016
3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy’s card?
Me (in bed): Yes.
3yo: Will he love it?
Me: Yes. pic.twitter.com/TJepUORQwH
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) June 21, 2015
The Girl: Why would someone dress like a hamster?
Me:…. Do you mean hipster?
Girl: What’s the difference?
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) September 24, 2015
This kid asked me for some skittles but I had just finished them so he stared at me like this the entire flight pic.twitter.com/Doavgl6ZX1
— spooky kanye? (@HussSrour) September 3, 2015
5: daddy can I tell you a secret?
Me: sure thing buddy
5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn’t wash my hands
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 9, 2015
Me: What happened on the coffee table?
5-year-old daughter: Elsa killed all the stormtroopers. pic.twitter.com/36hCfd1z5s
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2015
5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would “have a piece of cheese and calm down”
So, yeah, she’s mine.
— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) June 14, 2016
7yr old daughter walked in the room, casually confirmed, “You have to have a backstory to why you’re evil, right?” And walked out.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) January 24, 2016
6: Daddy, I’m mad at you.
Me: What for?
6: I’m not telling you.
She’s already a woman.
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) March 3, 2016
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it’s 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016
4: Mommy, you’re just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend.
Me: Aww! Sure!
4:You can be the Beast.
4: Or the fat sea witch!
— Marlebean (@Marlebean) April 17, 2014
KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream?
ME: no you may not
K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) June 9, 2016
5yo just took a picture of me then said, “Ok, but next time try to be beautiful.”
In case I had a shred of confidence left.
— Angie B (@angibangie) September 25, 2016
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, “I’m NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I’ve been whispering. Now I’m free!”
— Li’l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) December 21, 2013
dad: “come on, you guys are LATE!!!!”
11yo: “you should have started YELLING at us earlier!”
— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) June 30, 2016
4-year-old: Can we get a kitten?
Me: I’m allergic. We can’t be in the same house.
4: You could sleep outside.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 25, 2016
7yr old “Do women get their periods on weekends too?”
7yr old mutters to herself “Jesus Christ”
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) November 20, 2015
7:”Can I get a puppy?”
Me:”No! They pee all over, make messes, & need a lot of attention.”
7:”So does HE!” *points at 3y.o.*
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 24, 2016
(Me playing guitar)
3: Daddy what’s this song called?
Me: Going Nowhere.
3: I know that but what’s this song called?
Burned by a 3yo.
— Phil (@geowizzacist) October 9, 2016