Anyone who has children or has ever spent an extended period of time around little ones, knows that kids have a knack for saying the most brutally honest things at the most inconvenient times. While “honesty is the best policy,” is a noble lesson to teach a young one, it somehow never fails to backfire in a hilarious way.
Reddit asked its users about the most ridiculously truthful thing a child has ever shared with them and the responses did not disappoint.
1. Squirrel_Bandit has a very straightforward nephew.
Four-year-old nephew, setting the table for dinner — looks at me and announces, “you get the big fork, because you’re the fattest!” And then proceeds to set my place with the BBQ fork. Lol.
2. Welp, Post-Apocalipstick at least he’s honest?
At the aquarium “wow daddy, that fish is even uglier than you.”
3. spacemansplifffff was cut to the core.
“Your head looks like a shape.”
Cut me deep, Benjamin. You cut me deep.
4. nsdr1709 should probably keep that one to himself.
Was waiting for my daughter to get her coat and boots on at daycare and another little girl walked up to me. She was probably about six. She told me her parents got a divorce so she was just like my daughter now. I nodded at her and then I got this gem. “I get to go one week with my mommy and one week with my daddy. Today I go with my daddy. He has a new girlfriend and shes WAY WAY WAY more pretty than my mom. I wish my mom was as pretty as my daddy’s girlfriend.” I just cringed.
5. Damn, 10-year-old shut dontdiddlymydoodly down.
“Do you know why you’re single? It’s because of who you are and how you look.”
Well fuck you too, you 10 year old piece of shit.
6. sheribubble learned that glasses are probably for the best.
“Your glasses are weird, what do you look like without them?” takes them off “Ew, put them back on”
7. He’s got a point, Pepitonator.
Kid: Daddy why don’t you have boobs.
Me: boys don’t have boobs.
Kid: why does uncle John have boobs.
8. hugedrunkrobot isn’t alone.
My daddy’s hair is going away, too.
In my head: NOOOOOOO
9. Csonkus41 was hit with a brutal dose of reality.
A couple weeks ago my fiance and I got into an argument and my 9 year old step daughter told me “you aren’t the best boyfriend, but you are a really good dad.” Simultaneously made me really proud and feel really shitty.
10. Well, that’s cheerful kilbus.
On my 35th birthday my child came in my room at like 5am and said, in the dark, “happy birthday Dad, one day closer to death”
11. Netflix_and_backrubs probably wishes they hadn’t heard this.
My nephew told me my breath smelled bad. I told him I was sure it did smell bad, since I hadn’t eaten all day, but that he should avoid saying mean things even if they were true.
A different nephew once asked my cousin “Are you Jane? Or are you Anne?” She said “I’m Jane. Anne is my sister.” The nephew responds “Oh, right. I remember. Anne is the one who’s pretty.”
12. thedogdaysareover was savage AF.
When I was a kid the Spice Girls were huge and I was obsessed with them. Apparently on the radio they were talking about what an American Spice Girl would be called and came up with “Fat Ugly Spice” or something like that — I have no recollection of this but my mom tells me that I got so excited and started freaking out saying something along the lines of “Mom, oh my god, you could be a Spice Girl!” She called her sister and cried for hours after that one.
13. Sounds like DrunkenYeti13 is a pretty great motivator.
My 4yo said to my Portuguese wife who was pregnant at the time and hormones were all jacked up, “mommy why is your lip fuzzy.” I never saw her leave that quickly for the salon.
She also said to me. “Daddy I like cuddling with you because you are soft and squishy like a bear.” To the gym I go!!
14. They always know, the-cschnepf.
“Sorry, I’m not feeling great today”
“Ugh, you’re only sad because your girlfriend broke up with you!”
Thanks kid, you really helped me figure that one out.
15. Probably going to need some ice for that burn, Ghost_withthemost.
Me: Tell me a joke.
My 4 year old: You’re a joke.
I had been reading a thread where everyone was sharing jokes they’ve been told by kids, and I was curious what my son would come up with. I expected something hilariously random. I got emotionally wrecked instead.
Not going to lie, I was pretty impressed.
16. damecourt may have some cause for concern.
Last Thursday, after I had a particularly stressful day at work, my 7-year-old said,
“The only job that matters to me is being my dad and you’re awesome at it. And if mommy leaves you for another dad, I will always tell the new dad that my old dad was my favorite dad.”
“Thanks. I love you. Where’s your mom?”
17. Bmac1977 does not approve.
“You look like Jack Black in Goosebumps!” -My son’s friend who is no longer welcome in my house.