Listen, I love Snapchat. I think it’s one of the greatest apps of our time. Okay, maybe not the GREATEST (it’s no SimStapler) but it’s certainly one of the most entertaining. And who doesn’t love Snapchat’s filters? You can wear a flower crown or be a mermaid or a puppy. But you have to admit, some of these filters are just… awful. Like, really f*cking terrible. Come with me and you’ll see a world of pure horrific imagination.
Why? Why do I want to look sick? Also, why is this so grossly unattractive?
Colony Collapse Disorder is real and needs to be addressed because if all the bees die, then we die. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO BE A BEE. AND THE VOICE MODIFIER IS WEIRD, OKAY?
Remember when Snapchat forgot it was 2016 and that blackface isn’t okay but they decided to give us a blackface filter in honor of Bob Marley?? WHY WASN’T THIS A FEVER DREAM?
This is the murder filter. You apply it when you want someone to know that you’re going to break into their house and hide in their crawl space so you can come out and watch them sleep. You get in bed next to them and wait until they roll over and wake up to your hideous, dead-eyed yellow visage. They stare into the abyss and you stare back.
All I wanted in life was to know what I’d look like as a watery eyed, drooling mess. THANKS, SNAPCHAT.
Why do my eyes need to be so big? Why is there an unearthly glow to my cheeks? Why does it make my teeth wonky? WHY AM I VOMITING RAINBOWS? This filter is weird and I high key hate it.
I already have chubby cheeks, okay? It was a problem in elementary school. If I wasn’t getting my cheeks pinched by condescending adults, their vicious children would taunt me with screams of “WATCH OUT FOR THE HUMAN HAMSTER!” I didn’t need Snapchat to help me relive my childhood trauma but here we are.
You know there’s this phobia of circles being close together? I think the idea behind it is that it makes us think of rotting flesh, which is a fair phobia to have. I don’t have this phobia but this f*cking strawberry Snapchat filter still gives me the heebie jeebies.
How’ve you been sleeping? Good? Oh, well that’s nice. SIKE HERE’S SOME NIGHTMARE FUEL.
As if nerds don’t already have a bad enough rep, here’s a filter that will help you live out your fantasies of being shoved into lockers as the geek in an ’80s teen comedy. Are we having fun yet?
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I know I haven’t been to church in a million years but please come over ASAP because I think there’s a DEMON IN MY FACE AND IT DOESN’T EVEN GIVE ME COOL POWERS IT JUST GIVES ME HEART ATTACKS.
Am I the Crimson Chin now? Can I knock people out with my chin being so big? No? What does this do aside from accentuate my cleft chin? Give me self esteem issues?
I grew up watching The X-Files and Mulder and Scully instilled a healthy fear of aliens in me as a young child so I REALLY DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHAT I WOULD LOOK LIKE AS ONE AFTER THEY KIDNAP AND ASSIMILATE ME.
I could never draw noses growing up so I would always leave them out and thought my art style was cute but NOW I KNOW I WAS WRONG. WE NEED OUR NOSES. PLEASE GIVE IT BACK.
Who hurt you, Snapchat? Who hurt you and made you want to hurt everyone else by giving us this horrible makeup filter?
What do you think is the worst snapshot filter? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!