Like all good parents, my mom and dad are equipped with a deluge of weird and embarrassing childhood stories about me that they enjoy sharing at the most inopportune moments. Some of these tales would be better off buried deep into the earth’s core never to be recovered, but then again everyone has their humiliating moments from childhood.
Reddit asked its users about their most bizarre “I was a weird child” stories and they did not disappoint in the least. They may even make you feel better about your own strange habits.
1. cnk93 and his sister enjoyed science experiments.
My sister and I used to be mad scientists with our Barbies that we didn’t like. Started with haircuts, ended with removing limbs and attaching them to places they didn’t belong. My dad found us huddled by the stove, melting a Barbies butt so we could attach her leg to it. We got in so much trouble for that.
2. a_wisher found religion at an early age, I think.
My cousins allowed me to buy anything I wanted from the supermarket. I didn’t choose any candy, chocolates or even books. I chose a picture of God. I can never forget the looks I got. I was a weird child.
3. Pictures please, SoapSudGaming?
I was a chubby toddler who ran with my arms behind my back. I was born to be a meme.
4. Damn, barfonamule was a savage.
My sister was taking to long in the bathroom. I went to the garage, shit in a ziplock bag, and put it in front of the bathroom door.
5. ThePlayfulPython probably gave their mom a heart attack.
One day my mom went out the back door in the kitchen to do something – can’t remember for what, I was only four or five.
So I locked it.
I proceeded to get out two sticks of butter, a very large knife, and a watermelon. Mom was freaking out but I told her she wasn’t allowed inside yet.
I “cut” the watermelon (absolutely horrid job, but somehow managed not to cut myself), smeared butter all over it, and then sat the slices on many paper towels I had laid on the floor.
Unlocked the storm door and invited mom inside to join my picnic.
6. Ew just ew, PanzerBear88.
I used to wipe all of my buggers on to the wall next to my bed until high school-ish. I was a weird child.
7. lardfarquard was just trying to spread his newfound knowledge.
There was the time Dad caught me reading the encyclopedia, and as he questioned me it slowly dawned on him I was reading the whole set, in order, cover to cover. Because what other order would you do it in?
Ha, I would follow Dad around the house, explaining random subjects to him. Dad would flee, pleading with the others to save him – “help, he’s explaining things again!” and me telling him “but this is where it gets really interesting”. But they’d all run and hide, the cowards, and leave Dad alone in his torment.
8. Things could have gone very badly for Getoffmyfawn.
When I was a kid I thought it would be cool to play real estate agent. I went around all of the houses in my neighborhood on my bike and put scribbled letters that said “get out” on them in each mail box. I don’t even know how I thought this was real estatey but this happened during the anthrax attacks scare and just after 9/11 so people in my town started to freak out and go on a manhunt for a supposed terrorist. Ended up telling my grandma it was me and she took me to the police station so we could explain that I was just being a stupid 6 year old kid.
TL;DR Don’t play real estate agent after 9/11
9. maddsc17 enjoyed a fulfilling chat with himself.
When I was little I used to talk to myself very openly and I had very engaging conversations. I always had to make sure no one could hear me. One day I was walking home and I was loudly pining over how beautiful the sunset was. As I was talking I turned my head and saw there was someone hosing down their porch behind me. He gave me the weirdest look and I just shut my mouth and quickly walked away.
Apparently I had a “trust everyone” phase where I’d get up from a table at a restaurant, sit down at a table full of strangers, and strike up a conversation. At one point, I did it on an airplane. Apparently the lonely businessman thought that was the coolest thing and gave me some money for entertaining him.
11. Yeah, that’s pretty weird adrianlovesyou.
My favorite activity when I was little (maybe like up to about 5 or 6) was pushing pennies across the carpet with my nose. I had like permanent rugburn on my face because of it.
12. illeatyouupxo sounds like a very disturbed child.
I would find a worm, put it in the palm of my hand, kiss it goodbye and smoosh it into my palm with my other hand. I was a weird child.
13. Well MichaelJFoxxy is sweet?
I used to have funerals for the dead bugs I would find in my yard and invite my neighbors over to pay their respects and say a few words.
14. But why _Rusty_Shakleford__?
As a young child I put out the crumbs of my toast in my ears because I like digging it out.
15. How delicious, SalemScout.
I have so many, but theone my mother reminded me of recently was that I used to eat ice cubes.
I thought they were plain ice cream. My dad would put a couple of them in a bowl and I would sit outside and chow down on ice cubes. I still occasionally fill a cup with ice and eat it with a spoon.