Be it sales, limited time only menu items, or even secret items, fast food is always searching for new ways to get us in the door. And what’s a more powerful tool than advertising? Honestly, literally nothing. Advertising is the devil, and capitalism has robbed us of our humanity. All that aside, a big part of advertising is the mascot, and while fast food has had a ton of them, they’ve succeeded to varying degrees. Let’s rank the 15 best fast food mascots!
1. Ronald McDonald, McDonald’s
Hail to the king, baby; how do you argue with one of the most famous mascots in the world?
2. Dave Thomas, Wendy’s
Is Dave Thomas the most charismatic guy on Earth? No. But he seems like a nice man, and someone who’s moderately awkward on camera can be a very effective spokesman. The rest of us charisma-less duds can relate.
3. Colonel Sanders, KFC
Rounding out the “big three” is the colonel himself. I’m honestly tempted to put him lower, because he was not good on camera in a way that was not charming, but his recent revival via comedians doing different takes on him in commercials has reminded us all that this guy was a real guy.
4. Little Caesar, Little Caesar’s
The “Pizza Pizza!” catchphrase for some reason never got annoying?! Little Caesar is an endearing and underrated mascot.
5. Yellow Star, Carl’s Jr.
It’s just a star that smiles and is yellow. Totally inoffensive, and as we get further down the list, that’s all you can ask for. Bonus points for reminding us of Mario Kart (also, this thing never actually ended up in one of their terrible, sexist commercials, so extra kudos.)
6. Big Boy, Bob’s Big Boy
The Big Boy is a bit creepy looking (also that name is… a weird thing for someone to have just come up with as a mascot) but generally not offensive.
7. Taco Bell Chihuahua, Taco Bell
“Yo Quiero Taco Bell.” The kind of ad that went viral before going viral was a thing. This dog made us ALL want some Taco Bell.
8. Every Other McDonald’s Character, McDonald’s
You know why these guys got phased out? They were terrible, and couldn’t handle the strength of personality coming off of Ronald McD. For shame.
9. Burger Chef & Burger Jeff, Burger Chef
Shout out to these two, the laziest mascots on Earth.
10. The Noid, Domino’s Pizza
It’s very rare for claymation to not chill me to my bones, so kudos to The Noid for continuing that streak. That laugh is… unsettling.
11. Spongmonkeys, Quizno’s
These things should be dead last, they’re just so weird that I had to give them some credit. But they are… very weird.
12. Cows, Chik-Fil-A
Animals encouraging you to eat other animals just to save their own skin is very unsettling. It’s not “Don’t eat any of us, for we are apparently sentient.” It’s “Eat them, not us, we care for no lives but our own.” These mascots are morally bankrupt.
13. The King, Burger King
The plastic mask makes him look 100 percent inhuman and murderous, as he can feel no remorse.
14. Oven Mitt, Arby’s
Not only is it a personality-less oven mitt, but they named the damn thing “Oven Mitt”. Pathetic.
15. Jack, Jack In The Box
I hate this guy. Not only are his ads bad and boring and annoying, but Jack himself is the most smug character ever. And the ads are on constantly in Southern California. TV, the radio, online — they are inescapable. Please God, free me.
What a journey down memory lane! Also, what the hell was Burger Chef? Apparently it was a very big chain? Who knew! We’re constantly teaching you guys stuff here at Smosh (dot) com!