If a genie was to appear in front of me and say, “Greg, I hereby allow you one hit song to dominate the pop charts, but you shall ne’er craft another tune again!” I would say two things — one, “This doesn’t feel like how genies typically work. Don’t I get three wishes?” and two, “Yes please, sign me up!” While most artists who qualify as one-hit wonders may resent never having a follow-up smash, I think highly of them. They made a song that resonated with millions of people; that’s downright beautiful! Here, then, is a celebratory list of some of the most unforgettable one-hit wonders of the 2000s.
“Absolutely (Story Of A Girl)” – Nine Days
If you ever experienced a flood in the 2000s and wondered what the source was, it was probably this girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. Nine Days’ earnest and cheesy rock tune feels like an auditory Anthropologie: it’s fun and harmless if you’re into the vibe, but if you’re in a bad mood, you gotta get out of there immediately.
“Who Let The Dogs Out?” – Baha Men
To this day, we never did figure out who, indeed, let the dogs out. It’s a blemish on our nation’s otherwise impeccable record on answering questions and getting to the truth. The Baha Men are undoubtedly shaking their heads in shame./p>
“It Wasn’t Me” – Shaggy
Here’s proof that anyone can be a pop star for a second, even if it sounds like your throat is closed from an allergic reaction to peanuts! While “It Wasn’t Me” has an infectiously smooth beat, I think it garnered its hit status because of its ability to tap into one of America’s national past times: lying. Just lying your dang face off in the midst of objective truth.
“Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops!)” – Blu Cantrell
Hell hath no fury like Blu Cantrell scorned. In the 2000s, this was the song to play after a horrible breakup. Also, I’d really love to bring back “Oops!” as an appropriate response to bad stuff I’m going through. Can’t make my student loan payments this month? Oops! Girl I have a crush on is in a long-term relationship with a surf instructor named Chaz? Oops! Pokémon Go server is down? Oops, oops, oops!
“Because I Got High” – Afroman
This song starts innocently enough: I didn’t clean my room! I missed a class! Darn you, silly marijuana! By the end of it, however, Afroman is missing child support payments, getting beaten by cops, and losing his kids and wife, all because of some sticky icky. This thing heightens faster and more tragically than a season of Game Of Thrones.
“All The Things She Said” – t.A.T.u.
Controversial in the 2000s for their evocations of lesbianism (which, from contemporary eyes, feel quaint and obviously staged), t.A.T.u. nevertheless scored a hit with this intensely brooding song. I, for one, would like to know one of the specific things she said that are running through your head. Does she not like peanut butter? Does she think national treasure Julia Louis-Dreyfus is “just okay”? Does she consider Taco Bell to be a gourmet restaurant? Release a sequel song, t.A.T.u.!
“Chain Hang Low” – Jibbs
Straight up, not enough rap songs are inspired by children’s music. Can Jibbs release a sequel song soon? Here’s a pitch for him: “The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout/This hot arachnid beat make you haters scream and shout.” You can send my platinum record in the mail, thanks!
“Throw Some D’s” – Rich Boy
The only hip-hop anthem that brings together folks who love their badass cars and high school teachers who love giving students bad grades. Real talk: “Throw Some D’s” boasts one of the best hip-hop beats of the past twenty years. Give us more, Rich Boy! Throw some more D’s around; heck, I’d take any letter at this point!
“Pop, Lock & Drop It” – Huey
How do you dance to this song? Oh, it’s literally the song title? Got it, that makes sense, thanks.
“Party Like A Rock Star” – Shop Boyz
This song fuses the dumbest, shallowest elements of hip-hop with the dumbest, shallowest elements of rock to form a dumb, shallow song that I absolutely 100 percent love with all my dang heart. I would blast this song from my used Honda Accord driving home from school on the regular, and feel like a straight up rock star doing it. Also, “T-t-t-totally dude!” is simultaneously the coolest and lamest thing you can ever shout. For all this and more, Shop Boyz, I thank you.
Which hit got you the most nostalgic? Which ones did we miss? Give me a follow on Twitter, but be warned: only one of my tweets is any good, the rest is just filler.