As far as I’m concerned, sex is one of the most vital human needs, right up there with food, water, and shelter. Sex is good for us — studies show that it offers mental, physical and emotional benefits that make us happier and healthier human beings. So what happens when you’re going through a major dry spell with no relief in sight? You start wondering these (admittedly slightly ridiculous) things:
1. Can I go back to being a virgin?
No, you can’t. Once the deed is done, there’s no going back. You don’t have to be a virgin to change the way you lead your sex life, though. If you’re fed up with dealing with fuckboys and players, there’s no shame in holding out on sleeping with a guy you’re dating for a while. If a guy wants more than sex from you, he won’t mind sticking around until you’re ready.
2. Did I start having sex too young?
That’s a legit question, but it’s one only you can answer because it truly differs for everyone. There’s no “right” age to have sex — that all depends on personal maturity and readiness. However, the age at which you became sexually active likely has zero to do with your current dry spell. It’s not that you had too much of it too soon and suddenly got bored, or that guys aren’t interested in you because they think you’re slutty or anything like that. Chill.
3. What if I never have sex again?
This is easily the most common question every girl in a dry spell asks herself. The answer here is that unless you decided to join a nunnery, you’ll most definitely have sex again at some point in your life, and probably sooner rather than later. You’ll have a ton more of it before you die. Relax. There’s no rush. Take your time choosing your partners and once you feel chemistry, go for it.
4. Is sex overrated?
Not really, but if it was, maybe we’d all care less about how much of it we are or aren’t having. Sex can become a super mundane thing if you’re dating someone, a routine activity you get in the habit of doing but aren’t really enjoying. Still, if you are engaged with your partner and both putting in the work to keep the passion alive and keep turning each other on, it can be incredible. Don’t feel bitter because you don’t have that right now — you will again soon.
5. Do I still remember how to have sex?
Trust me, even after a year long dry spell, you’ll still remember how to have sex. It’s like riding a bike. Muscle memory is here to the rescue. In fact, you might even be better at it. Think about all simmering passion you have to unleash!
6. Am I in a dry spell because no one likes me?
This is absolute nonsense. Breaking your dry spell might be in your control. If you choose not to go out where you could plausibly meet guys, you’re kind of choosing not to have sex — and that’s fine! There’s nothing wrong with you, but it’s important to take responsibility for how your own behavior could be keeping you temporarily celibate. If you want to find someone to sleep with, you’ll have to actually get off your couch and leave the house.
7. What if I only masturbate for the rest of my life?
That’s not a good option. Sure, you may be able to get your orgasm in less than a minute because you’re great at it, but that’s no way to live. Sex is more than just penetration or even an orgasm. Sex is about intimacy and sharing emotions with another person. Don’t deprive yourself of that.
8. Should I hit up my ex just to get laid?
No, that’s a terrible mistake. No matter how desperate you are, don’t get involved with someone you ended things with for a reason. Hooking up with your ex, even if it’s just for physical release, will start a whole lot of drama. It’s not worth it, no matter how tempting it might be.
9. Should I get drunk and just sleep with a stranger?
You might feel like you should suck it up and go have a quickie with some rando, but trust me, you’re in a dry spell for a reason. It may be a breakup you’re getting over. Maybe you’re busy working on your career. Possibly you just need some alone time to get your shit together. Whatever it is, there’s a reason for it. Figure out what that is and then work on resolving it.
10. Will this be the last dry spell I ever have?
Unfortunately, no, it probably won’t be. A dry spell is a vital part of life. It happens to everyone, including married people. Don’t rush into stupid hookups and don’t worry about it too much. The most important thing you can do is NOT stress. That won’t help anybody.
Dayana Aleksandrovna is a writer.