Usually, I only do one Bullshit Beauty post per week.
It’s a nice little weekly tradition, where I get to bitch and moan about what people who are hipper than me are doing to their hair and faces. It’s cathartic, but I’m typically satisfied to relegate my complaining to once a week.
However, a recent beauty trend has stumbled onto my Instagram feed and I cannot ignore it any longer. In fact, I feel it is my civic duty to denounce this trend before things get out of hand and spiral into madness.
The trend is called “Feather Brows,” and it was supposed to be a joke. BUT SOMEHOW PEOPLE DECIDED THAT IT SHOULD NOT BE A JOKE.
Beauty blogger Stella Sironen initially started the trend of “Feather Brows” to mock eyebrow trends, parting each of her eyebrows down the center and brushing them out so they resembled — you guessed it — feathers.
However, this is the internet, so naturally the trend actually ended up taking off, much to Sironen’s surprise.
Fairly soon, other beauty bloggers were following suit, posting their own #FeatherBrows on Instagram.
While I understand that this is a very unusual and compelling eyebrow look, it also looks … well, kind of ridiculous. It looks as though you blew a hairdryer directly onto your face, causing your eyebrows hairs to go completely askew.
Nobody needs to see your eyebrow’s bald patch.
Seriously. Why make your brows look as though they’re in need of some Rogaine?
Believe me, I’m all for eyebrow independence. Fill them in, fluff them up, wax them, don’t wax them. I truly don’t care. But y’all have pushed me TOO FAR with this nonsense, dammit. Your eyebrows don’t want to be arranged that way! That’s why they grow in one particular direction! Stop hassling them!
Eyebrow have been through a lot in the past few years, thanks to the proliferation of the “power brow.” Let’s give them a rest, please.
If you’re enamored with the trend, then I suppose there is nothing I can do to stop you, and it isn’t my place to tell you what looks good. Just take your unsettling split brows and leave my Instagram feed in peace, thank you.
But I swear to God, if I see these brows in the photos for some designer’s upcoming campaign, I’m going to plotz.